I’m A Little Sleepy

First things first…I started this website so that years down the road, from atop a pile of gold or from a status of not weathy at all, I could look at my journal entries and go “Gosh! Look at all that stuff that happened.” It was a way to record life events but focus mainly on career…as I’m a firm believer that one’s writing is a direct result of life experiences. This next bit is life experience.

I really wanted to remember every tiny detail of the life experience that follows but 48 hours and very little sleep later, some of the details are blurry. Thus Mel’s rendition of what happened might be slightly different from mine. But look at it like the Gospels. Even Matt, Markus, the Lukster and Johnny had different details.

At 8:15 on Tuesday morning we went to the doc for our last visit; only to find out we were 30 minutes early. So we went to grab a jamba juice with their trademark “Boosts”. Mel got a fiber boost and I got that one that increases sexual prowess.

Later at the doc everything went great. Mel and Izzie Rain were both still amazingly healthy although Mel was still sitting at 3cm and 80 percent effaced. Two weeks of inconsistant contractions and not one budge. We were scheduled to hit the hospital two days later. Thursday at 7AM to look into induction. So, Mel and I were about to walk out the door when Markusen (that’s our doc) threw out a “by the way”…had Mel noticed any leakage? It’s a standard question. Sometimes water breaks and there’s a gush. Other times there’s a small rupture which results in a small trickle over time and that’s what Markusen was inquiring about. As a precaution she gave us a last minute ultrasound and thought the fluid was a little low. So she sent us to the Hospital for an Abooma-fluid test. See it ain’t really called “Abooma” but this is one of those fuzzy detail moments. I recall the word started with an “A” and I’m too tired to do the research.

While Mel was getting strapped in I ran out to pick up the in-laws at home and on the way ran into a couple from our birthing class. Can’t remember their names as one of my few flaws is that I tend to be disinterested in names that are not mine. They’d had their little boy two weeks ago and had been in labor for 24 hours which didn’t raise my spirits. They also told me that their child came out with a conehead and looking slightly alien. They wanted me to be prepared for that and not to worry that all would eventually fall into place. So then I rushed home to pick up gramma and grandpa.
Around noon we had the test and there was no rupture. No water breakage. But we were there and since we were scheduled to induce Thursday anyway…why not two days early? Mel and I said, sure. Mel had been having contractions since last Thursday but they were inconsistent and not the “big boys” everyone talked about. Mel didn’t want to use pitocin because there are cons involved and she’d worked so hard to do everything right, she just didn’t want to push it. But they said they wanted to try the smallest possible dosage to see if it would make her contractions more stead. Again we said ok.

And it worked. Contractions, every 3 minutes. At 2:30 markusen showed up and broke Mel’s water. Only a trickle came out. The fluid was, in fact, low.

And then Mel was introduced to the “big boys”. The “real” contractions. Mel and I had spent weeks during our birthing classes making fun of the whole “breathing” thing. Uh…we stopped poking fun. We were breathing fiends. We were King and Queen Breathing.

An hour later Mel was 6cm.

45 minutes later she was 9cm.

Mel didn’t go into this meaning to be some hero for all women. She was pro-epidural if the pain got too bad. It just happened so quickly. One minute we were stuck at 3cm and the next we were blowing past 9cm. And upon hitting 9cm they called Markusen to come back…fast.

I used my little Canon Elph and recorded a 45 second contraction. Mel’s first “push”…which took her to 10cm. But you’ll need to check out IzzieRain.com for that little movie experience (later, once Mel’s rested and feels like sitting at her computer). But it should be noted before future viewing that what you will see is nothing compared to what would come when the actual post 10cm pushing began.

Once at 10cm it was back to breathing while waiting on Markusen to arrive which only took about ten minutes. However, in big boy contraction years, that’s a really really really long time.
Markusen came rushing in, so fast her cell phone hit the ground and skidded across the floor. She dove into her scrubs then dove into my wife’s vagina. What happened over the next 30 minutes is tough to explain. If Exorcisms were real…they’d sound something like this. A couple of times Mel said, “I can’t do it, I’m sorry.” But Markusen and the two nurses kept yelling, “Oh yes you can!”
At some point I saw black hair. My wife and given me a brunette. Works for me, always been a fan of the dark haired beauties. It was just a small patch of black hair and Markusen explained that it would get bigger…she didn’t want me to be shocked when the head appeared. But I was cool.
But no matter how hard Mel pushed…all we ever saw was this small patch of hair. Maybe I’m reading into it, maybe I’m overreacting…but after a while I thought I detected some concern from those in the know.

Mel was totally exhausted, shaking uncontrollably…and the pain…the heart-wrenching, guttural growls as she pushed, screamed, took a breath and pushed again; her telling me she loved me but that she was tired and apologizing for being so with tears streaming down her face…honestly I wasn’t prepared for that. The idea that someone might one day cause her pain always had a pretty cut and dry result for me. People have caused her pain in the past but I was never around to do anything about it. I was never able to avenge that pain. But I knew if it were to happen again, if someone were to cause her pain while I was around…well…I’d kill’em. I’d beat them until they fell and then I’d beat them until they’d never rise again. But this pain..this pain I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t avenge it. I couldn’t protect her from it. I’ve never felt so helpless in my life. I started to cry. I guess sob is a better description. Suddenly I didn’t want this. I knew there’d be pain but this was something different. I never wanted Mel to hurt like this…I…men could never do this. We’re not tough enough. I’m not tough enough.

Mel was so tired her strength was faltering. Markusen told Mel that the sooner she pushed the sooner it would all be over.

And then it happened. I don’t know where the strength came from but I’ve never had anything like it.
The next contraction came and Izzie Rain’s head appeared.

I wasn’t shocked at the size. In fact, I didn’t give it much thought at all. What struck me was the color. She was… a deep purple…and she wasn’t breathing. And that’s the reason I looked at Markusen and the nurses. But then I remembered, this is normal. I’ve seen the videos. I even filmed the birth for some college friends many moons ago. When babies come out, they look this way. They aren’t breathing yet. This is normal.

Then why were the nurses looking so shocked? Why was Markusen reaching for a machete?

Markusen made a cut and Mel jumped. Markusen apologized saying she had to. Then came another heart-pounding push from Mel and Markusen literally dug her fingers in and pulled my daughter free. Purple face, blue body and only then did the shape of her head register…It wasn’t a conehead. Nothing about her looked alien other than the color. She looked perfectly proportioned. Perfectly normal. Of course, she sure did look big. Was that normal?

Although I was still concerned that she wasn’t breathing…then suddenly…she did. Color flowed into her body and face and she cried for about 5 seconds. Well, hello, Izzie Rain. My how big you look. Better to hug momma.

At the cry, Gramma Woodman kicked the door in and came twirling into the room, guns blazing like Rambo. She rushed up to Mel and proclaimed how proud she was.

If there was any doubt that little Izzie Rain was big, it vanished as I looked around at all the nurses in the joint. Where had all these people come from? It was freaking LAX in there. Nurses were running up the walls and backflipping in assorted Matrix poses. There were people everywhere.
Then they started commenting on the size. “She’s gotta be 10.4.” “No, I’m thinking 10.5.” Then there came a resounding…
Oh my god…
Then a nurse announced, “She’s 11.10.”
Markusen nearly gave herself whiplash looking up from my wife’s vagina.
It had to be a mistake. So they weighed her again. And there was my daughter, lying naked on a metal scale. 11.10.

Ten minute old.

14 minutes old.

A job well done, Gramma and Grandpa brought momma a milkshake.

Gramma Woodman and Izzie Rain.

Tired but glowing.

Mel called Allen. Allen called Elliot. Elliot showed up first…may have gotten more than he bargained for. Allen arrived later, while the camera was charging but came baring a flower, a plant and champagne.