Author: Todd

Apparently I’m not going to get any less busy. Last two entries were void of pics because I made them from the road and/or I was sleepy.

Christmas. Good times.
Spent most of that time planning an attack. I was always pretty confident that MBV would perform but that meant I would need to be ready to pounce. Hype, buzz, the stank of wonder, whatever you want to call it, rarely shows itself. It’s where that whole “Fifteen Minutes of Fame” statement comes from. My fifteen minutes was approaching. So how did I prepare?
First off, I wrote Devil’s Commandos with Tim Bradstreet for Thomas Jane to star. It’s pretty wonderful. Second, Patrick and I officially joined forces which included my joining up with Valerie, Trevor and Scott at Paradigm. Patrick and I would henceforth be a team.

Now, here’s a bit of honesty you won’t find often. While Zane started the process wonderfully, in all fairness the script should have read Screenplay by Farmer and Lussier. No disrespect intended but I’m too tired to BS. I’ve never made it a secret that Patrick was the driving force, warrior and protector of MBV. His input in the script was well over 33 percent. But that’s not how the business works. There are rules you see. Rules to protect the writer from a rogue director. And that’s a great thing. But sadly these rules do not protect the director when he actually dives into the trenches to protect the writer and the writer’s story. So, from now on, Lussier and I are a team.

Patrick and I pitched MBV3D part II a couple of weeks before release. It was NOT the same story regurgitated. We evolved it. Took it somewhere new and exciting. The execs responded with shock and awe and grins and visions of dollar signs dancing in their heads. While we and the execs may have had our differences in the past, they knew we’d cracked the sequel. Nobody knew these characters or this world better.
We were told, if MBV does 20 million then we should move forward with the sequel asap.
Patrick and I also toyed with an idea of writing a spec.

By Saturday it was clear we’d done our job. One LGF executive mentioned we’d dropped 3 percent and I made a face. He said, “Noooo! This is great! Most genre films drop double digits!” He was simply glowing. Riding a high. I didn’t get it until he screamed, “We all have jobs on Monday!”
Punisher Warzone, Spirit…there was alot riding on MBV3D and it felt good that we’d done our part. Not only did we open…we were getting unheard of reviews for a genre film. Movie goers were having a blast.

Over the weekend Patrick and I attended a number of screenings. DP Brian and his wife Melanie (pictured above) joined us.
Patrick and Brian were something of a force of nature during production. They had to learn this new 3D technology which was evolving daily. The main camera wasn’t even ready until the day before shooting (if I’ve got the story correct). They had to constantly leap over obstacles. They had to improvise, adapt, overcome. And they did it. Not only did they do it but they did it with the support of the entire crew. They had every stress and complication most directors face…more than most. Yet they never screamed. Never yelled. Never belittled the crew.
So, the plan was to attack MBV3D part II with the same crew. Take what we’d learned and move beyond.

After every Q&A I asked the audience to flip us off. They were always more than happy to oblige.
Thinking back to the industry screening and the press junket…even the surviving cast members were excited about the sequel. Jaime was thrilled. Kerr and Edi were bouncing off the walls. Jensen was cool and confident. Even Atkins was quick to remind everyone that a fella can, in fact, live without his jaw. We were ready to roll.

So, we simply enjoyed the ride that was the next few days.
Above was the actual miner suit. You could tell due to the duct tape on the helmet. While I will probably never be a fan of LGF’s development doofuses, I adore the Marketing Team. You couldn’t throw a rock without hitting something with a Miner’s picture on it.
Back during post I was contacted through Myspace by a band member in the band, Soul. They had a song entitled, “My Bloody Valentine” and wondered how long a shot would it be to get Patrick and Wandmacher to listen to it. I explained that the film was already scored and music purchased. He understood and we stayed in touch via brief myspace notes. Later he suggested his band do a concert the night before we opened then take his crowd to the Midnight showing. I told him to contact Jamie at LGF and she’d know where to begin. He got back with me later and was thrilled. Jamie sent him shirts and key chains and posters, even on of the giant standees. A huge crowed showed. They loved the band and went ape over the movie.
LGF marketing. You simply can’t beat them.

Jack Murray our producer was present at every screening. He was Patrick’s Ninja on set. All stealth and protection.
Little tidbit of trivia. In the movie, when Ferris and Atkins search Axel’s house, we hear a cartoon in the background. The name repeated over and over in the cartoon is Mr. Murray…named after Jack.
Originally Patrick went after “A Charlie Brown Valentine” as well as other more notable toons. The owners of all said, “Uh…no way.” So…LGF sent over a bunch of stock footage cartoons. I was visiting Patrick and the sound guys at Skywalker at the time. I’m now wondering If I already told this story in a previous entry…who knows. Too lazy to go back and look.
A few days later…it was late…ten or so at night…Patrick sends me some words and asks, “Does this sound like a cartoon?” I read the pages and groaned. Apparently, LGF had sent over something goofy. I told Patrick as much and asked him to give me an hour or two. He replied sheepishly, “Well, I only had a few minutes to write it.” Then we both laughed.
I wrote out a tiny three part story which would be heard during three different shots. Then I wondered if it would fit. So I popped in the latest cut on DVD. I muted the volume and did the voice while the movie played. Perfect. It fit. I sent Patrick the pages and for a giggle I sent him the mp3.
Next day I drive back up to Skywalker and when we get to that part in the film…I hear my voice…as the cartoon. They’d popped in my MP3, did all their magic and presto. So…when you see that scene again on Bluray…listen for my voice as the cartoon loony and for Jack’s name.

I forget how long I was in LA total but I split my time between Patrick, Tom and Dean. I crashed at Tom Jane’s place so that we could talk Devil’s Commandos. The following morning I was gazing out at Silverlake then looked down and saw the above. I leaped about three feet. Later Tom cooked breakfast and we ate with our fingers the way vikings do.

I also spent many a morning breaking breakfast with Dean. After one such outing he asked if I was up for a hike. So we climbed a big hill/mountain in Calabasas and swung on a swing. After which, of course we had man sex on an antique quilt and promised never to tell our wives.
Dean’s about to join a TV show but I guess it’s too early to talk about that.

Now, while I play the part of the mean, grumpy, angry destructer, I’m mostly a big softy. I so horribly missed Melanie and Izzie during my many journeys in LA. So I requested multiple pictures from home.

Patrick and I dropped in on Del and Sue for a signing. It was both great and odd. A camera crew arrived to interview us. They were the most unprofessional crew I’d ever come into contact with. I sort of wish I had not destroyed their business cards so that I could give them the recognition they so deserve. Actually the unprofessional I can live with…we all live, learn and grow. It was the arrogance and rude behavior that made me want to punch a couple of them in the skull.

With each return home, Izzie and I danced to Abba. Okay, perhaps not every time but most of them anyway. Because we had plenty to celebrate. MBV had opened. In fact it was a great weekend for the movie business. Mall Cop was huge. Notorious made money. Eastwood simply proved that none of us are worthy. And our phones started ringing.

The last time my phone rang like this was never. I’m a working writer, people. I write and it pays the bills. Pretty cut and dry. MBV is my first true success. While I got my foot in the door back in ’96, MBV is the one I had been striving for.
So after the weekend of the release the first thing we heard was that there was a rights issue. I have no clue of the actual details but the rumor I heard was that while LGF had the rights to the remake, they perhaps had not solidified the rights to a sequel to said remake. Needless to say, while the phone was ringing quite a bit…the caller ID never said LGF.

Back to LA for a signing and meetings. Pictured are numerous Jason’s past and present…along with Sue.
Ran into Geoff and Melissa from old Cunningham days at the signing. He’s now a producer on Psyche. Was good to catch up.
Chatted briefly with Swift and Shannon. They said wonderfully nice things about MBV and I wished them the best with F13. I’ve always liked Swift and Shannon. Swift emailed ages ago to let me know they were up for a rewrite on Messengers. He didn’t have to. There’s certainly no requirement. Just always very respectful. And, of course, I adore Mark Wheaton. I really wished the best for F13. I’m glad it opened huge. I’m angry it didn’t have legs but I’m pretty sure that had little to do with the writers and more to do with a couple producers. These two jokers can sell you a Coke. Red can, white lettering. It’s an easy sell. But they can only sell you one of them because once you take a drink it tastes like Shasta. With MBV we sold a whole bunch of Shasta that tasted like Coke.

At some point during my assorted journeys I ended up crashed at Tim Bradstreet’s castle San Diego. The goal was to take Tom’s notes and pound out the polish on Devil’s Commandos. We fell short of our goal. Tim had to hit LA for a job and I ended up having to leave early for a meeting. But while Patrick and I have been unnaturally busy I have never lost any enthusiasm toward Devil’s Commandos. I actually plan on diving back into it this week.

A week then two went by and we started to wonder what was going on with the sequel. One of the top execs left, went over to the Weinsteins. Incidentally, he was the exec who had said, if we do 20 then we should got to sequel asap. We put out feelers but heard very little. Then we caught wind that Drake said he had greenlit the sequels to Blair Witch and The Grudge, both of which underperformed, so he was not a believer in theatrical sequels and felt they should be avoided. That was a little disconcerting. First off both of those sequels weren’t very good. Second, Blair Witch never really had a foundation anyway. It was a publicity stunt that made bank. How do you turn that into a sequel? Why would you even try? Oh well. Not official but not what you want to hear from the head of the company. From the company clearly unafraid to send SAW to sequel after sequel with no interest in making a good sequel.

So, Patrick and I continued to take meetings around town. While LGF seemed to have us on ignore, everyone else loved what we’d done. We began meeting on gig after gig after gig. Most were remakes but some originals. All were nothing short of wonderful fun.
And in our downtime, Patrick made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

Finally we got what some might call damning with faint praise. We were told that we were uniquely successful in LGF’s eyes, that they were incredibly proud of the film, thrilled by the box office, thrilled by the reviews and that so many people, distributors, peers at other studios etc, told them how good it was…that they felt that ‘magic’ wasn’t going to be possible to replicate.
Wow.
While we fought tooth and nail to make the movie we wanted, while Patrick on several occasions lifted the train back onto the tracks after they (LGF) had derailed it…that we apparently “accidentally” made a good movie. That we couldn’t possibly have known what we were doing.
Wow.

So, will there be a sequel? That there is the picture of a pig with wings that sits near Patrick’s pool.
Hollywood is a strange strange place. Hard to predict what will happen. Thanks to the lovely Nikki Finke we know that Icahn has been taking part in a pleasant takeover of LGF. He has been buying up stock and LGF debt for pennies on the dollar. He has announced that he will be making changes to the board of directors. This will likely result in his making changes to the executives in charge. What does this mean for us? No clue. Perhaps nothing. But I’m interested to see what happens.
This may well be that event that once and for all proves the Karma is real.
Since acknowledging all of this stuff and since I just went up to the office pottie to discover a surprise…I wrote the following note.

I am now going to go tape it to the stall door.
I’m back. That was fun.
So Patrick and I have been making the rounds. While I wish I could just tell you what happened with these next two projects, doing so would put unfair pressure and attention on a producer and two executives who did everything in their power to push both of the following projects through. So…that said….Patrick and I got the call about a remake. Ohhhhh my, ladies and gentlemen. This was one of those remakes that when you first hear of it you tinky in your pants a little. Because it’s considered a classic in many circles. The producer who brings it to us is a powerful one. If nothing else, it’s worth going down the road just to see what he’s like in the bed. And isn’t long until we’re both saying, “Oh this could totally benefit from a remake!” So, we did what we do. We removed the cheese. We made the heroes and villians smarter. We paid respect to the original while kicking what the fans loved so much up a couple notches. And finally…we made it scary. Terrifyingly scary. We did what we did with MBV. We paid respect to the original while updating and making it both smart and scary. We pitched the producer. He LOVED it. We returned and pitched the exec. He LOVED it.
Now was time to pitch THE MAN. We knew this part was impossible to predict. The Man had a reputation for lobbing grenades at a pitch. Patrick and I told ourselves we could handle just about any lobbed grenade…except for one. We would not remove the part that made this particular movie a classic. So the pitch began. Five minutes in The Man stopped it. Told us he’d NEVER make this movie. He said he hated the original. Said you couldn’t make that movie today. And then he lobbed at a grendade at the one thing we were prepared to walk away over. And while annoying he did say something interesting. He said, “I know all of you get this. But I don’t. So I’m doing you a favor. Because I’ll just fuck it up. None of us will be happy.” Both producer and executive timidly argued. Well what if we do this…? What about this…? Patrick and I sat there quietly and exchanged a smile. It was time to go.
Now…that was the HUGE remake we were up for. What follows is the HUGER remake. In fact, this next one wasn’t just a remake. It was the remake…of a remake. We were entering holy land as far as some fanboys would be concerned. Us included. Patrick had spoken with the executive and the project was brought up. The executive needed a little time to make sure the rights were where they were supposed to be. In the meantime, Patrick and I sat down together and watched the remake. We looked at each other, “This could totally benefit from a remake.” Again, here’s the thing. They are going to remake it. Most remakes blow. At least we get it. We know how to update while being respectful. And this one was no different. So we went back and watched the original. We watched the sequels to the original. And the story began to present itself. The twists and turns. The story began to update while maintaining respect to the original.
Then Friday was released. It broke records. Monday our executive was attending the studio big dog meeting. The big dogs were scrambling. “What giant franchise do we have that we can reboot?!” A small voice spoke up from the kid’s table. It was our little executive. Our little Arthur long before he pulled the sword. He reminded the big dogs that they had the HUGER remake. He told them that he already had the guys who did MBV in 3D coming up with a take. The big dogs requested a screening. Patrick and I took that time to solidify our pitch. I loved it. It was scary and funny and respectful. The characters were smart. The Villains even smarter.
Then came the day of the big screening. Our exec called. The suits loved it. He should know something the following day. Sigh. The following day the suits praised our little flick. What we had done with non-franchise, obscure movie was amazing. Then they promptly turned and requested Zack Snyder for their remake. When it was pointed out that Snyder had his next ten projects lined up and would be tied up for years…they angrily asked our little executive, then why aren’t you bringing us Chris Nolan?!
Needless to say, we never even had the chance to pitch our take.

So far, those are our only two passes. That’s out of twenty plus projects. We will most likely close our first deal next week. And likely another shortly after. Last week we pitched an incredible remake and it was clear we blew the executives away. This week has us meeting on three more giant remakes. And soon after we meet the studio head to pitch a story Melanie came up with…more on that later because it’s pretty amazing. And then there are a dozen projects we have yet to develop due to time. No worries though. We’ll get to them all.

Now, will we get hired on them all? Of course not. Not even close. But here’s the deal. A smart story. Smart characters. A smart villain. And no compromise. We make the best story we can make and we will fight to the death to protect it from those who can’t help but stumble stupidly in the way.

I don’t know any other way to do it. It seems the general movie goer is sick of remakes yet remakes statistically out perform the originals. Thus if remakes are all we’re being offered then the only way to combat those that are simply cashing in, is to actually respect the material and make good movies.

And while I keep referring to MBV as a good movie, you may have seen it and hated it. Great. But I don’t care. It’s a good movie in my eyes and this is the first time I’ve been able to say that about a movie I’ve been a part of. It’s the first time the end result has so much of me in it. It’s the first time I’ve worked with a fearless director willing to fight for the integrity of the story. I’m not interested in making the movie I THINK you will like because that leads to failure. I can only successfully make the movie that I want to see and HOPE you share my vision. And that’s what Patrick and I are going to do.

No fear.

So, for now…I’m home. I don’t like being away. When I come home Izzie latches on. Won’t let me out of her sight. Scared I’ll leave again. And now she knows how to call me. Or when I call she’ll take the phone away from her mother and go hide with it in her room. It’s actually sort of nice. I’m driving and she’s just jabbering away. But more than that, I miss my wife. I’m not good being away from her. I got pretty lucky in the wife and mother department.
Sleepy now. Dave? Will I dream?

Thursday night: So…we had a heckler at the screening. I think she was a heckler. She laughed alot. Big robust, “I’m poking fun of the movie” kind of laugh. The sort of laugh that makes you want to put her face in toilet water. Annoyed me to the point that I couldn’t enjoy the movie. I was stressed enough as it was.
Rotten did a great job. He had his questions ready. Was very smooth. He’s a good host. Plus he gets the genre. Nothing slips by him. He was the first and only to call Patrick on the Exorcist III gag.
Friday: Breakfast with Dean. Then we hiked up a hill in Calabasas. Big hill. Halfway up I had to lose my long sleeve undershirt. Of course, this is when Dean turned around to take a breather, saw me shirtless and asked, “Am I about to get raped?” I took pics. Of the view. Not the rape. I’ll post them later as I’m jotting this while in the airport. Again…Macbook Air. Goooo Apple!
Then it was back to Patrick’s for a chilled out day. Later we stealthed our way to Woodland Hills to see what the opening day crowd was like. The early show had started. I heard some tween tell her friends she was watching MBV3D. They asked what she was doing in the lobby. Said she had to pee. Apparently our movie makes you have to pottie. I then said to Patrick, “Hey, she’s watching Valentine,” loud enough for her to hear. At the same time her friends asked her if the movie was any good. At first she said, “Yeah!” She had real excitement but the more she talked the more she realized her uncool was showing until she slid into ambiguous with, “It’s ah-right, kinda lame but ah-right.”
We met Devin for sushi later. Devin has recently bagged the coolest gig on the planet. I figure I can chat about it since Tom Atkins already spilled the beans in an interview. Devin for editor, Michael Kahn as well as Steven and Peter. Go on. Look up Kahn on the imdb and then tell me you didn’t grin just a little. I’m stoopidly proud.
So the guy sitting across from me, sharing a laptop plug, just spilled coffee on his shirt. Sat his computer down and walked away. Suddenly I’m nervous the computer or his bag will explode. Sometimes the whole imagination thing can be burdensome.
After Sushi it was back to Patrick’s where we chilled, surfed, chatted with Mel and hit the sack early.
Saturday: We took part in…Harold’s? A hole in the wall breakfast joint in Tee Oh. Mostest Giantest omelet you’ve ever seen. Patrick’s phone rang while we were there. Should I answer it? It was a 310 number. Yeah. He answers, then “Joe!” Joe Drake. Joe is thrilled. LGF is thrilled. Patrick mentioned he was with me. Joe said to offer big congrats and thank you. Patrick hangs up. We eat our giant omelets and grin. We chase the omelet with Coffee Bean.
Later in the day we hit Dark Delicacies for a poster signing. Big turn out. Dean and Elizabeth show with Chris and Alex. Paul and Angela show up with their munchkin. I feel bad that we can’t hang out with them but Sue is a task master and keeps shoving posters in front of us when fans are getting signed. A TV crew shows up. Matthew from LG is there and blocks them. But he gives them permission to interview us. Ugh. Perhaps the most unprofessional interview I’ve ever been a part of. The director/cameraman was a jerk. The interviewer was too nervous. Matthew, bless his lovable heart, ripped them to shreds after for their unprofessionalism. The jerk cameraman gave us copies of his indy horror DVD. We drove home and threw it away. Maybe that sounds mean but you can’t stand there and yell at her nervous interviewer and then expect compassion and mutual respect from me. He’s lucky I didn’t punch him in the forehead. Had known Patrick was just as annoyed as I was then I probably would have.
Going back to Del’s on Feb 3rd for the big Jason signing.
That night we hit the Arclight Sherman Oaks. Patrick intro’d the movie. Great crowd. Great! This was the first viewing where I could just calm down and relax. If there is a downside it is the Dolby 3D. I don’t like that they wash the glasses because it leaves water spots. But I cleaned my glasses of spots before hand and that was a huge help.
Brian did the hosting and he was great. Plus the audience had two dozen questions. It was great.
Jaime and Kyle as well as Betsy and a whole crew had gone to the Grove at the same time as us. We had planned on joining up with them after but my and Patrick’s agent was at our screening. So we joined her and her hubby and their friends as well as our producer, Jack Murray for some El Torito. In bed before 2AM.
Sunday: Home to see my girls!
Been nutty busy since. The good kind.
A comment on the nutty oddities.
The cyber requests. A big shout out to all the girls and gays who have started sending their unsolicited sexual fantasies with Frank the Trucker. Uh…you can stop now. :)
AJ and MT retold the whole of MBV3D via a poem then put it to music. It’s awesome goes to 11 in my book. But sometimes what I find awesome could indeed scare the crap out of others. But that’s the part of life I adore the most.
So…that brings us mostly current. Flight is about to board so I should close down. There will likely be fun stuff to report in the coming weeks.
The best part of the two weeks? Hands down. Going home. Hollywood has it’s ups and down. High highs and low lows. Is both great and terrible. But through it all I have Mel. I wonder how others manage. Hands down the coolest mom on the planet. The hottest wife and the bestest friend. Hate me all you want but I have a great life.
Be safe all.

Sitting in the airport watching some peckwood coughing, hacking and collecting nose fluid on a hanky with a life of its own. I hope his Ebola carrying butt ain’t on my flight.
There’s a two year old quietly crying. I miss Izzie Rain.

The ongoing report. No pics as this is mostly from the road pounded into a MacBook Air (which is indeed worth all the hype). There will likely be some spoilers so see the flick first before reading.
Thursday the 8th: We left Izzie at home with Nanna. While I’ve been away from her for days…Mel and I have never both been away. I’m a wreck. I’m hiding it from Mel. Mel snoozes most of the drive down. Then she plays a game on the iPhone. Then I ask why is it that we finally have six hours to ourselves and she decides to sleep and play iphone games? She says it is because she doesn’t like me. Fair enough. I kid. Mel rubbed my shoulders and we waxed poetic until…
We stop at Albertson’s…Lost Virgin exit. We grab some stuff we forgot. We grab four drinks from Starbucks. We arrive at Dean and Elizabeth’s baring gifts. The drinks. Not gold or diamonds. The Car picks the four of us up at 5pm. It’s just a Towncar. We all squuz in. Our driver goes into a coughing fit halfway. It’s bad. He starts driving like a mad man. He’s sweating and tears run down his cheeks. I wish I was kidding. Tom Jane sends a text. “What time tonight?” I reply “Mann 6, 8pm” But I realize I don’t know if he’s gonna show or not. So I ask, “u good? U need anything from me?” He replies, “Some cock”. Fair enough. We arrive at the Mann 6. We refer to the driver as “Lunger” for the rest of the evening. We eat at…that place upstairs near the theatre. I’m a wreck. I take part in a martini. Perhaps two.
The press line. I didn’t expect the press. People take pictures of me. I think it’s funny. When is the last time you saw a picture of the writer on the red carpet? Patrick is there. Embrace. I feel underdressed. Everyone is wearing jackets. I look like…well…I look like me. It starts getting surreal. I see Gary (FX). Wandmacher is there (composer). Oh my…there’s Tom Atkins. Most of the online horror guns are there, Rotten, Oster, Miska. They’re all hardasses so I get nervous. I love the movie. Will they? Tom shows up. Brings his brother. I see Jaime and Jensen and Kerr and Edi. Jake and his date arrive. We all take our seats. It’s packed. Wes showed up. Frank Miller. Jessica Alba is wearing PJs. Betsy! My partner in crime.
Patrick does the intro. He’s thanking everyone. When he gets to me…hard to describe. Muse, Shoulder to cry on. Jiminy Cricket…wasn’t prepared. I make an involuntary sound in my chest and throat. People around me are staring. Dean says, “Are you hearing this?” Mel looks at me and I can see how proud she is. I’m glad I’m wearing 3D glasses.
The movie starts. Surreal part II. Wow. First time I’ve seen the whole thing in 3D. Wow. I’ve seen it a dozen times in 2D and it was always great. But this is fun. The crowd is LOVING it. A Hollywood crowd is loving it. Wow. I love these actors. Gary, your blood is bloody indeed. Michael, your score makes me want to be a better harmonica player. Jack (producer) Murray is sitting in front of me. He’s glowing. Mel keeps grabbing my hand. Not because she’s scared. Although she is. She’s grabbing my hand because she’s so happy. And proud. It’s been such a long road and we finally made it.
Roll credits. Credits in 3D! Applause and cheers. And then…Special thanks. Ohmygod. Melanie got a special thanks. She tears up. I knew it was coming. Just didn’t know WHAT was coming. Wow.
Lots of congratulations. Lots of love in the room. Feels good. There’s a buzz. It’s never felt like this before. It’s a natural high.
Escorted to the party. Wow, we have our own table. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Meet lots of people. Surreal. Edi and Kerr are on the attack. Chanting. Sequel. Sequel. Agents are chatting with me. Wonder who will win. If any. Jaime looks stunning. Kyle looks like tall happy charming Kyle. Jensen…dreamy. I thank them all for making me look like a better writer.
Patrick and I make eye contact throughout the night. Yeah. It’s mutual. LG is happy. Paseornek is glowing. Sarah and Tim are all smiles. Yon is cool and confident. It feels good.
I bring Betsy over to meet Mel. I knew they’d hit it off. Then I pull Edi over to Mel. She attacks him. I explain to Betsy that Mel’s something of a Twilight fanatic. I bounce around the place, meet and chat and try to fake how in an utter daze I am.
I tell Mel, Dean and Elizabeth call Lunger and head out an hour before me. I don’t want to leave but I don’t want them forced to stay so late. I’m all smiles but I think of it as work. But an hour later we close the place down. The actors all leave last. I ride back with Patrick. We are buzzed. His driver takes me back to D&E’s. Mel’s reading. We hold each other. We sleep.
Friday: Mel and I hang out the following morning. Been a long time since we were able to just chill out together. It’s magic. Like wizards and dragons magic. Not pulling rabbits out of top hats magic. Later Mel sits in the room while Patrick and I do commentary. Can’t tell you what we said but we talked non-stop for the entire film. No breaks. LG provided the greatest sushi ever fished from the sea. Back to Patrick’s. He bakes oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for dinner. We won’t tell Laura but she’s tricky that one. She will find out and we’ll all be grounded. It was a great dinner. Mel tells her true ghost story. As a result, Patrick doesn’t sleep well that night.
Saturday Patrick and I leave for the junket. We arrive too early. Park on a street and talk sequel. We arrive and Patrick starts his interviews. Later Zane arrives and we start our interviews. Three one on ones. We have fun. We join with Patrick for the round tables. Again, fun. I make note how great the first round table is. More mature journalists but amazingly excited and respectful. The next table is younger. One guy, in glasses, starts out with a passive aggressive question to Patrick. His tone remains the same throughout. What’s the guy’s deal? I want to calmly walk around the table and punch him in the forehead, but what I should have done is find out who he was so I could tell people where to send the hate mail and death threats. While there are Jensen fans out there who don’t much care for me, there are others who would be willing to attack on command for me. Perhaps I should have them attack the haters and then televise the whole thing on Pay-Per-View. In mud. And babyoil. Where was I?
Oh. Jensen wasn’t there. Supernatural was kind enough to work around the press schedule but he had to fly North. Gonna be a tough few days on him as all his scenes will be piled on top of each other. Man of steel and velvet, that one.
Back to the junket: by table four you start getting tired of answering the same questions but you do your best to stay upbeat. Sometimes I’m talking and I realize in the middle of the banter that I have no idea what I am saying or what the question was.
Kerr grabs us to sign his poster when it’s all over. I realize I never saw Jaime. Forget to ask if she was there. Kerr talks of his only screw up during the 65 interviews he’s done over the last two days. He meant to say “pigeon holed”. What he said was, “Pigeon my hole”. He tells everyone. We laugh every time. He takes Patrick and I by the arm. “So, this is it then. It’s all over after this.” We all laugh at the melancholy. We talk sequel.
Edi joins us. Again we talk sequel.
We wonder where Betsy is. She should have been there. Every interviewer asked about her. Would have been nice to have Atkins too. Betsy Rue will go down in horror movie history. Promise you that.
Patrick and I drive home. Tom IMs. What are we doing later? I text back, “blowing u”. Mel and I hug Patrick and drive to meet Tom and his brother for Korean BBQ. It’s a wonderful, laid back evening. He’s reading Devil’s, but not finished. We’ll meet again on Tues. Mel and I stop at Patrick’s on the way home. I can’t do the drive. It’s too late. I’m too wasted. Before I sleep I get an email from Bird, college roommate. He jokingly asks if I could get Edi’s autograph for his 14 year old Twilight obsessed daughter. I reply, “You bonehead. Wish you’d asked this 12 hours ago.”
We sleep.
Sunday: We hug Patrick goodbye and drive home.
6 hours later we hug our daughter. She’s beautiful. She’s perfect. And she’s weaned. No more boob for Izzie Rain. I know there are people out there who might frown on breast-feeding for 2 years but she’s the healthiest kid on the planet. When the revolution happens, when the diseases return due to all the corpses and rats, when Izzie Rain rises to power because she’s immune…well then I’ll be the first to sing neener neener neener. But it was time and as Mel put it later, “Now I can recover my body.” We crack up. That’s not how she meant it to sound. But I liked her choice of words. Like finding a body in a creek or something. I am a horror writer after all.
So I’m back home but I can’t relax. I know I gotta hit the road again in 22 hours. Mel knows it to. And we do what we sometimes do when we know we have very little time to play nice. We DON’T play nice. I know, perfect life, perfect everything. How could we ever argue? Later we make up, then we sleep.
Monday: I mope. I pack…slowly. I don’t want to leave the girls. I write…inefficiently. Finally, I hug my girls and hit the road. I hit the edge of LA county on fumes. No time to gas up…I’ve a podcast with Molly and Wil at 7:30. I arrive at Lussier Manor in the nick-o-time. I podcast in the living room. Then Patrick and I discuss the pitch for the following day. It’s a good story.
Tuesday: Must…find…gas…station. Meet Patrick at Warners. Run into Rona early. Then we grab coffee…well…I grab a Jamba as the cool will no doubt sooth my ravaged vocal chords. Then the pitch. Patrick opens. He’s on a roll so I never interrupt. He’s always been pretty good in room but that’s the best I’ve ever heard him pitch. It’s safe to say both he and the pitch are standouts. We part ways.
I’m off to meet Jake for lunch. He bestows upon me LG swag…and buys lunch. Rest of the day is a blur. Meetings, yoga and chill at the Grove.
I see an actress at the Grove. She has two little dogs. I know her face. She wants to be recognized. There are two young women chatting away next to me. “Boys. All they want to do is eff. Sometimes I just want to cuddle, you know?” I listen, I stare at the fountain and I pretend not to listen. “Ohmygod” is one word not three. I wish I had not listened to Van Halen so stupidly loud in high school because I can only pick up a phrase every now and again but ohmygod they are speaking pure gold. The one keeps glancing over at me. I know the look. She wants to cuddle. Sorry toots. I’m taken. Old enough to be your father too. But I doubt that matters cuz I do look scrumptious.
The Grove. It is the best of LA. The people here still have money. The crunch hasn’t hit them yet. It’s coming though. The Revolution won’t start with them. It will start with those who don’t come to the Grove. These people…bless their hearts will be the meat and fodder for them what rise to power.
The Farm doesn’t take Discover. FYI.
By 9:30 I’m at Tom’s. We talk Devil’s Commandos. I get his notes then we crash.
Wednesday: My brother calls at 6:30. I can’t answer. Tom’s asleep. Later he cooks breakfast. Then we talk Devil’s some more. I get a message from an executive who fired me years ago. Oddly enough it was as if we were long lost friends. I think I shant return the call.
After Tom’s I hit Dean’s house. I was going to yoga but I got caught up on the phone and then I realized that I smell like pit. So Dean’s it is. A quick shower. I shall bestow some pick axe keychains on the boys.
We grab the nutritious Mickey D’s then we tear down the PCH to see John Jarrell, fellow writer, Spades player and all around proficient waxer of the poetic. After an hour of fast catch up I find myself on the road to Beverly Hills to meet with a tenpercenter.
I now sit in the tenpercenter’s lobby. I just saw that guy from the Piano. Brody. He was dressed far better than me. As well he should be. I’ve been sitting here for 10 minutes and no one has even glanced at me. I’m a writer. I’m forgettable. I’d make a great assassin. Or maybe I should do more nood scenes.
It actually is a big day…I suppose it won’t hurt to back it up and report that a call came in about two hours ago. There’s an offer on the table. Another gig. I’ll leave it at that for now. But it’s possible there could be additional offers before the sun sets Sunday.
I drive to Patrick’s. Make several calls. I now have a new agent. I do a phone interview on the drive home. Patrick and I hit the PF Changs. Later we pound out the story for a TV show. Why not? Feels like Sunday is a long way away. I miss my girls.
Thursday: Up early. I write in bed. Lay out clothes for tonight. Arrrrggg. Macys left the explosive ink security malfunction frakking divice on my shirt! Arrrrggg. I head to Macys, see Dean and Elizabeth. Macys won’t take shirt back without tag…sigh…gotta drive back to Patrick’s to get the tag I removed an hour ago. When I’m Bruce Wayne I’m totally gonna buy Macys and turn it into a petting zoo. Forced to do podcast with Pittsburgh Matt from the parking lot. Matt was the stand in for MBV3D. Stood in for me in fact. You see him snogging with some chick in the opening. And later he crosses the street after Jensen and Kevin part. Ten years later and he doesn’t age a day. I knew none of that by the way…Patrick told me earlier.
I get the security explosive removed then meet Patrick at Islands. We set up a meeting for tomorrow. Then back to Patrick’s. Darren Bennett calls. Asks about a movie rumor he heard. I confirm that rumor. Patrick bakes desert. Oatmeal Chocolate Chips. Then a nap. We agree to never tell anyone that we took a nap. We agree to say we went to a gun range or something similar. But I can’t sleep. Thus I sit here typing and IMing with Matt Cothran from high school.
Gonna shower now and wash my naughty bits. Figure I should do this as a two parter. Tonight we head to the Arclight. We will meet Brian (DP) and Jack (producer). Patrick will intro the movie. Then a Q&A hosted by Ryan Rotten of Shocktillyoudrop.
As great as it has been. I wish Mel was here.
More later.

Dear Clint,
Thank you.