Knights of Badassdom

I hate spoilers. I HATE that Uber-Jason was on the frakking poster. I HATE that you knew from the trailer that Milton was from hell. As far as I’m concerned marketing spoilers are of the devil. Website spoilers are of the devil’s sister. Twitter spoilers are of the devil’s momma. Basically, spoilers = Satan.

For instance, I still haven’t seen a Captain America trailer. Why would I? That movie is trailer and review proof. I was already gonna see it. I watched the Potter trailers once but I didn’t have too. Only reason I was willing was that, you know… I’d read the books.

But sometimes, I need to see the trailer to decide. But even when I do, I only need to see it once. And after that, I avoid like the plague.

Except this time. Knights of Badassdom.

Knights.

Of Freaking Badassdom.

I was gonna see this one regardless. Therefore had ZERO plans of watching the trailer. But I could not help myself. Not only did I fail to stay away…

I’ve watched the above trailer 20 times.

I don’t remember how old I was when I discovered Dungeons & Dragons but it truly did change my life. But not in the way most would assume. For me, it was a creativity epiphany. Or orgasm, depending on your religion.

Brad Weaver and I were riding our bikes and saw four high school guys sitting around a picnik table in a back yard. We stopped and watched them playing something the likes we’d never seen. Dungeons & Dragons. We watched for hours.

To this day very little compares to that… pure feeling of discovery.

We rode our bikes to Wal-Mart that afternoon and bought the game. We came back to my house and played it totally wrong.

Yes. I know I spelled his name wrong. No emails please. Over the years we’d played off and on. We didn’t live for it. We had sports and girlfriends and the pursuit of sex.

Wow. A sudden wash of memory. Footballs games. The smell of freshly cut grass. That sound when we first took the field. The glow of the lights. The calm before the storm. The field of battle. Then to the locker room. That scramble to shower and dress and find your girl. Hand holding and kisses and heavy petting. Drop her off. Then off to whoever was hosting the night. Dungeons and Dragons til dawn. Geeks and Jocks and even a psycho or two. We rolled twenty sided dice as Ferris Bueller sang Ten Years Afters’ I’d Love to Change the World.

I love how some these days claim they are geeks. Pfft. Lightweights. They claim it cuz it’s in. But the real geeks are so embarrassingly geeky that their actions make self-proclaimed geeks cringe.

One of my favorite characters was named and designed after the cover of the Electric Light Orchestra’s album, Discovery.

So don’t go bringing your weak-arse “I’mma geek” preaching around me. Because talk is cheap. If you can’t walk the walk then I’m calling you out. I’ll drop you too. This is one geek who can buckle your forehead with a punch. You are WAY freaking cooler than me so don’t even try it. I will spoog my geeky funk all over your boobs.

It was 9:29, 9:29 back street big city. The sun was going down, there was music all around, it felt so right. It was one of those nights, one of those nights
When you feel the world stop turnin’. You were standing there, there was music in the air. I should have been away, but I knew I’d have to stay. Last train to London, just headin’ out. Last train to London, just leavin’ town. But I really want tonight to last forever, I really wanna be with you. Let the music play on down the line tonight.

As much as I loved playing, I ended up being Dungeon Master most of the time. I bought all the assorted modules. Some better than others. But even with the good ones, my imagination would wander. I’d spin the adventures. Break the rules. I would reward based on ingenuity. I would punish based on lack of vision or laziness. Here’s a little secret. Don’t tell nobody. Sometimes I’d roll the dice and never look at the number. I’d do what I wanted to do. Because Dungeon Master was… god.

Except for Tomb of Horrors. By far the best mod ever made. And one of the scariest. Oh Gary, how I still adore you.

So what’s the point of all this. Simple. Watch the trailer. Knights of Badassdom. Just look at the cast! We’re talking +11 to Charisma. You love Community? Then you got reason to go. True Blood fan? You got no choice. Serenity make you hard? Then you can’t help but be in. It has the only actor on the planet who did a perfect Bobby Duvall. Does Game of Thrones fill your void… then so shall this. Stop reading this and watch the trailer. Then talk about it. Twitter it. FB it. Even if you hate it. Granted you’ll look stupid for hating it but all buzz is good buzz.

We need more movies made by passion and less movies made by committee. The first step in making that a reality is you.

Now go forth. And level up.