Author Archives: Todd

Twitter is a dick

December 22, 2011 – 9:30 AM

So I watched a movie last night but I made the mistake of announcing my intention to Twitter. Stupid stoopid dummkopf that I am.

It’s not that Twitter responded by announcing, “Darth is Luke’s daddy!” Or “Bruce is a ghost!” It was more subtle. Several commented that said movie was either good, bad or meh. But most commented on how emotional it was. “You’re gonna cry and cry and cry.” “Be prepared to cry.” “Keep a box of Kleenex near.”

Is this a bad thing? You’d think no but I’m about to argue a big honking YES it’s BAD.

I actually love emotional (tear-jerker) movies. I write horror most of the time so watching an emotional movie is simply glorious. Old Yeller. The Champ. Heck, during a fancy WGA screening of Return of the King I made one of them loud sucking in of air wimpering noises as I struggled not to weep. Earlier last night I teared up several times while watching Harry Potter 7.5. Damn that Severus, the bravest man I’ve ever known.

But tonight, while watching unnamed movie in question. Nothing. Did I feel an emotional surge or two? Sure. But my expectation had been highjacked. I was EXPECTING tears. And as a result my internal defenses were up. I did not hit the floor because I knew the punch was coming. In fact, I didn’t even get hit. Just sort of dodged in anticipation.

And that pisses me off.

Therefore, Twitter. You sir, are a dickhead.

Not only had I not asked for opinions, it occurred to me, every single early comment was by someone who had seen an early screening. You know, watching a movie early is not a life accomplishment giving you the right to blather on about your opinion.

If you wanna poop your opinion to the internet, great. Go for it. Start a blog. All the kids are doing it. A blog will make you important. You’re reading a blog now. See how very very important I am because of it? Then go on Twitter and say, I just saw Star Wars and here’s what I thought.

But there are things you should not do:

1. Please don’t mini-review on Twitter.

2. If I say I’m going to watch Star Wars, that does NOT mean, “Hey Twitter, what did you think of Star Wars?”

3. Please don’t live tweet your movie and or TV watching experience.

Of course there are no rules and I’m certainly not the boss of you. But I am the boss of me and here’s what may happen. If you break 1 or 3, then it’ll likely get you unfollowed. You break 2, it’ll likely get you blocked.

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Simon Barrett

November 28, 2011 – 5:44 AM

Simon Barrett is a working Screenwriter. I could run through his filmography but I will not. You know how to Google. But I will say FRANKENFISH.

We’ve known each other for a few years. Used to meet at the MythHacks dinners. Basically the poor man’s writer version of the Masters of Horror. We’re not close. We’ve never worked together. Never shared warm showers or chocolate bars. He’s a smart ass and likely the hardest working screenwriter I know. If he isn’t writing he’s shooting. If he isn’t shooting he’s watching movies.

And tonight he’s Occupying Los Angeles.

I sort of glanced at Walking Dead tonight but what I really did was watch Simon Occupy. Following are the events via Twitter. Unlike Twitter, read top to bottom and ignore timestamps as I was grabbing screenshots sometimes out of order.

And remember, if you make less than 400 thousand dollars a year, then @simon_barrett is standing on a wall tonight. For you. Whether you are smart enough to understand why or not.


I still don’t understand why so many conservatives think the occupy movement is bad. I say this as a fella who’s conservative much of the time. I voted for Bush. Twice. I pay my taxes. That’s because I don’t make enough to hide my profits offshore. In fact, I pay more in taxes than alot of people make all year. Well… depending on how crappy the year is and these days… yeesh. But the point is…

Biggest trick filthy rich white people ever pulled was convincing broke people to starve and die for them.


My father-in-law had cancer. He was given the wrong dosage of chemo. He died. Three months after Izzie Rain was born. The bank foreclosed on their house. My mother-in-law came to live with us. In our two bedroom apartment. The bank that foreclosed showed a profit of over 800 million, paid no taxes and received billions in bailout money. That same year I paid 42 thousand in taxes.

I’ve known this was coming. If you’ve spent any time reading History then you HAD to know it was coming. In our lifetime? Why not? Life moves pretty fast as Ferris would say.

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Peter Vincent

August 17, 2011 – 7:58 AM

An email to our agents sent on January 30 of 2009:

“We’re nearly finished outlining FRIGHT NIGHT for Monday. Also DON’T DRIVE ANGRY, a pitch tailored for Paseornek if MBVII moves forward.”

As I mentioned in the last entry, a Hollywood filmmaker normally has to NOT get a dozen jobs to get one. FRIGHT NIGHT would be one of the dozen that Patrick Lussier and I would not get. I’m not saying what we would have done would have been be better than what will hit the theaters on Friday. I’m just saying this is what might have been.

In January of 09 Patrick and I were contacted by Roy Lee and Sonny Mallhi about a FRIGHT NIGHT remake. OR as a disgustingly high number of kids today will tell you… DISTURBIA with Vampires. Clint Culpepper at Screen Gems controlled the FRIGHT NIGHT rights.

To set the stage, MBV 3D had been released mid-January. We were getting some hype. Izzie was small. And cute. But not as cute as the Macbook Air and the rolled up pee pee diaper behind us.

So Patrick and I put together our take for FRIGHT NIGHT the remake. We’d do the same thing we did with MBV. Update it while keeping classic elements. Make it scary and make sure the characters were smart. Especially the villain. For instance, you don’t order a pizza then kill the deliver boy. Same as you don’t order a hot hooker then kill her in your upstairs bedroom. Be smarter, Jerry. Our remake rule simply followed what Carpenter did with THE THING and Cronenberg did with THE FLY. Update it while keeping classic elements.

Therefore in our version Roddy McDowell WAS Peter Vincent. But Vincent had died of old age after a long distinguished career as the star of over a hundred Hammer Films. Roddy’s face would be prevalent throughout the film. A handful of Peter Vincent’s movies had been remade by Jamie Lee Curtis and Tom Atkins. Her seductress Vampire Hunter and his no-nonsense detective sidekick. But even they were flirting with the end of their careers as their last remake, Fright Night 4D: Smell the Blood, didn’t do so well at the box office. Like many horror icons, they end up working the convention circuit.

We pitched Roy and Sonny. They loved it.

Next we pitched Nick Phillips at Screen Gems. He loved it.

Finally we returned to pitch Clint Culpepper.

Not two minutes into the pitch he stopped us. He said he knew everyone in the room got it, but he didn’t get it and there was no reason to waste his or our time. Patrick and I sat quietly while some of the others attempted to make a case but ten minutes later we were out of there. There was talk that Roy might try to get the rights and go to LGF, but that was the last we heard of FRIGHT NIGHT. Until…

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Fichtner FTW!

July 26, 2011 – 10:52 AM

Bill just sent me this link. When he won the MC asked him if he was going to drink beer from a skull to celebrate.

This was Saturday night and he’s clearly still giddy from the rush!

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Knights of Badassdom

July 25, 2011 – 8:55 AM

I hate spoilers. I HATE that Uber-Jason was on the frakking poster. I HATE that you knew from the trailer that Milton was from hell. As far as I’m concerned marketing spoilers are of the devil. Website spoilers are of the devil’s sister. Twitter spoilers are of the devil’s momma. Basically, spoilers = Satan.

For instance, I still haven’t seen a Captain America trailer. Why would I? That movie is trailer and review proof. I was already gonna see it. I watched the Potter trailers once but I didn’t have too. Only reason I was willing was that, you know… I’d read the books.

But sometimes, I need to see the trailer to decide. But even when I do, I only need to see it once. And after that, I avoid like the plague.

Except this time. Knights of Badassdom.

Knights.

Of Freaking Badassdom.

I was gonna see this one regardless. Therefore had ZERO plans of watching the trailer. But I could not help myself. Not only did I fail to stay away…

I’ve watched the above trailer 20 times.

I don’t remember how old I was when I discovered Dungeons & Dragons but it truly did change my life. But not in the way most would assume. For me, it was a creativity epiphany. Or orgasm, depending on your religion.

Brad Weaver and I were riding our bikes and saw four high school guys sitting around a picnik table in a back yard. We stopped and watched them playing something the likes we’d never seen. Dungeons & Dragons. We watched for hours.

To this day very little compares to that… pure feeling of discovery.

We rode our bikes to Wal-Mart that afternoon and bought the game. We came back to my house and played it totally wrong.

Yes. I know I spelled his name wrong. No emails please. Over the years we’d played off and on. We didn’t live for it. We had sports and girlfriends and the pursuit of sex.

Wow. A sudden wash of memory. Footballs games. The smell of freshly cut grass. That sound when we first took the field. The glow of the lights. The calm before the storm. The field of battle. Then to the locker room. That scramble to shower and dress and find your girl. Hand holding and kisses and heavy petting. Drop her off. Then off to whoever was hosting the night. Dungeons and Dragons til dawn. Geeks and Jocks and even a psycho or two. We rolled twenty sided dice as Ferris Bueller sang Ten Years Afters’ I’d Love to Change the World.

I love how some these days claim they are geeks. Pfft. Lightweights. They claim it cuz it’s in. But the real geeks are so embarrassingly geeky that their actions make self-proclaimed geeks cringe.

This is a preview of Knights of Badassdom. Read the full post (900 words, 6 images, estimated 3:36 mins reading time)
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