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Hollywood Hates Movies

When I first moved to LA I loved all movies. I mean, why wouldn’t I? I was from Kentucky. A member of the real world. Naïve I guess. I went to movies to be entertained, for the enjoyment, nothing else. My car payment depended very little on Independence Day’s weekend gross. If my rent was late, I certainly couldn’t blame Ishtar. I went to, rented and purchased movies because I enjoyed them. All of them. The good ones. The bad ones. I simply loved movies. Truth is, I think most people do. But a trip West on the I-10 changed all that.

Upon arriving in LA I stayed with a college buddy’s ex-girlfriend and her three roommates. Three were struggling actors, the fourth a production assistant. They rented a great place in Santa Monica, which stood high on a hill overlooking the ocean. I slept in the hammock, but I didn’t mind. I was in LA. I was chasing my dream. The great thing about their place was the huge yard. A yard that size is pretty rare out here, especially one that’s affordable. And the parties? Man did they love having parties ⤲ made up predominately of struggling Hollywood-types ⤲ writers, actors, execs, etc., stumbling around in that big yard.

I remember the weekend Twister came out and, of course, the girls had thrown a party. This was the night I learned how uncool it was to love movies. By the end of the night, I’d been told that Bill Paxton was a sell-out, Spielberg was losing his touch, de Bont was a hack director and Crichton should stick with novels. I thought it an odd response to a movie that was projected to make 41 million over the weekend.

And, of course, Twister wasn’t the only verbal rape victim that evening. For every one person who placed praise on a movie there were ten others who chimed in with reasons to hate it. “That was so cliché.” “The story was unbelievable.” “The characters were one-dimensional.” “It just didn’t hold up.” “They were close, but they just couldn’t nail it.” It went on and on and on.

These were people who made their living by waiting tables and working odd (sometimes humiliating) jobs so that they could pursue their dream. The Hollywood dream. And they hated movies? Why?

That night I chalked the negative attitudes up to the strong batch of pot one of the struggling actors showed up with. But later, at other parties, when the pot didn’t make an appearance, the attitudes remained the same. So, I drew the conclusion that perhaps my struggling friends had just grown a little bitter. Not everyone in Hollywood hated movies. Right? I mean, that’s crazy.

After spending less than a week working in a development office, I learned that it’s not crazy, it’s typical. It’s laughably predictable. I was now surrounded by a group of guys who were working the dream. They couldn’t be bitter, right? As it turns out, maybe. It had been five years since they’d made a movie and it would end up being another three years before they got a greenlight (a greenlight which I wrote if you’ll allow me a moment to toot my own horn). Of course, they were bitter. And you want to know the saddest part? I started hating movies too.

A couple of years ago my fiancé of eight years asked me what was wrong. Why didn’t we go to movies anymore? I said, I didn’t know, been busy I guess. She reminded me of the first couple of years we dated. We’d go see two sometimes three movies a week. Friday night was movie night. Saturday afternoon was a matinee. It was a way of life and you know what? It was fun! What had happened to me?!

So, I attempted to pull my head out of my butt. I stopped going into the office for one. I was writing every day anyway. No reason to drive thirty minutes to an office when all I had to do was roll out of bed and plop down at this desk. I mean, you are who you associate with, right? I started watching movies to be entertained again. I left the Hollywood crap at home. And before I knew it, I started loving movies again. All movies, the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m a writer. If I can’t go to a movie and take something good home with me then I may as well hang up my hat. I’d love to say I’ve never once backslid, that I’ve been completely successful in my positive mental attitude, but it ain’t so. Everyday, I’m tempted to hate, to criticize and to be generally snotty. Sigh.

I think it boils down to this. Movies are entertainment. Some make us laugh. Others make us cry. Some make us think. Others piss us off. There are good movies and there are not so good movies. But that really just boils down to an opinion doesn’t it? I mean, what’s the real goal of a Hollywood mover and shaker? Is it not to make and/or write a movie that the majority of opinions out there find favorable?

I mean, did I miss something? We’re telling stories that we like in hopes that the majority will like them as well. And when I say the majority, I mean the people who live outside of Los Angeles. The folks living in the real world. Is that not what we’re doing?

It’s sort of funny, really. When I hear a Hollywood type say he or she hated Titanic, it makes me laugh. Like this is a person I want to work with on my next project. Clearly the majority of opinions out there found Titanic to be favorable. The Mummy II made 70 million it’s opening weekend, but there are some Hollywood folks out here who hate it. And don’t get me started on the LOTRs trilogy. If you hate these movies and you work in Hollywood⤲leave now and never come back. A billion world wide and that’s before the Return of the King release? Yeah⤲clearly the majority of opinions out there must have found it somewhat favorable.

Does that mean, a good box office determines if a movie is good? Yes. Of course, it does. Good box office means a movie was entertaining to the majority and is that not what we’re in the business of doing? Entertaining?

Granted, “Good” is just an opinion. And we’re all entitled to our opinion of what is good and what is bad. Individually I may not like a movie. There could be a million reasons for that. My own personal life experiences. My sense of humor. My upbringing, my memories, my likes and dislikes. But, if I don’t like a movie that becomes a blockbuster, shouldn’t I consider the possibility that my opinions are certainly out of whack in that instance? My personal preference may not like the flick, but by God I’d better respect it.

But that’s what happens out here. Collective Hollywood tends to dislike the blockbuster although it’s everyone’s goal to make one. Why would the majority living in LA dislike what the majority outside LA clearly enjoys? It boggles the mind doesn’t it? The general and severely stupid rule to follow is that “If you didn’t have anything to do with said movie then you should crap on it. Brilliant, huh? Welcome to Hollywood, home of the stupidest bozos on the planet.

And it’s not like we give a break to the box office failure either. It’s an amazing feat just to get a greenlight. Then to move the idea through the ups and downs and struggles of a production are borderline miraculous. The shoot, the editing, the mix, the screenings. A hundred things can and will go wrong every day. It’s amazing any movies get finished.

Although it’s Collective Hollywood’s opinion, bad box office does not immediately translate to a bad movie. This business is a crapshoot. That’s no secret. Who can really predict what will happen and why? Marketing, overexposure, bad press, there are a thousand reasons a good movie can fail at the box office. Of course, collective Hollywood revels in his brother’s box office failure and certainly uses that as an excuse to say the movie was bad. I mean, come on, was The Cable Guy really so bad? Of course, not. It was fun. It had some great stuff. Was Carey not funny? Of course he was. Was Brodrick not once again a brilliant straight man? Of course he was. And the same goes for a thousand other films that did poorly their opening weekend. Carpenter’s “The Thing” is a cult classic, but box office failure. “Princess Bride” ⤲ a cult classic but box office failure.

So, what’s the deal? What’s it all boil down to?

I imagine the struggling artist is plagued by bitterness. Only way to feel better about himself is to criticize the film being made without him.

So, what about the artist who’s made it, the artist who’s had some success? If a movie is a blockbuster, then you can pretty much set your clock by the fact that anyone out here who didn’t have something to do with it, will find something to criticize.

It’s gotta be insecurity. We tell ourselves we are smart and we are good at what we do. One great way to boost our ego and feel better about ourselves is to criticize everything we see. Thus, we appear to hate movies. And this insecurity must be compounded for the producer/executive type. I mean at least at the end of the day I have a screenplay in hand. I have something tangible that I’ve created. People can read it, they can hold it, and it’s a physical thing. The actor has his or her performance as something they’ve created. You can watch it. You can see it on the screen. However, the producer/executive was a part of a rather intangible process. Their job is made up of a million tiny decisions and you can’t touch or see that. Although they worked just as much magic if not more, they can’t point their finger at the “wigit” and say, “I created that.”

Thus the trap that is the negative attitude ⤲ the disliking of movies. It sneaks up on you like a frog in slowly boiling water. You can fall in the trap and not realize it for years if ever. But this doesn’t have to be the trend.

Because, in reality, not all movers and shakers hate movies. Look at Spielberg, Ron Howard, Jim Carey, Quentin Tarantino, Tom Hanks, just to name a few. You can’t put your finger on it, but it’s there. These guys love movies. All movies. You can just feel it. There’s a passion in their voices, in their writing, in their performances. And it shows on the screen. They love movies and they love the journey.

And isn’t it more fun to be around the guy who’s passionate about what he does? I hang around a person who’s always criticizing movies and I can feel the creativity being sucked right out of me. I walk away numb, my head throbbing.

There’s a story about this teacher who split his class into two groups. He put group “A” in the care of a litter of purely bred white rats. A rare species known for it’s highly developed intellect. He put group “B” in charge of a litter of common white rats, gathered from a local dump site. Their task? Feed, pamper and prepare each litter for an elaborate maze test the following month. Group “A” vs. group “B”. A test to see which group of rats will perform better in the maze.

When the test rolled around, it was no surprise which group came out on top. Group “A” and its rare breed ran circles around group “B”. The catch? The teacher later informed both groups that it wasn’t the rats being tested, it was the humans behind them. As it turns out, both groups of rats were from the same litter, collected from the local dump site. So why the huge variation in performance? The difference was attitude. Group “A” loved their rats. Group “B” was bitter and insecure.

Whether you’re tending rats or making a movie, attitude is the unseen factor. It’s rarely talked about. You probably won’t hear it mentioned in a class or read about it in a book. It’s a non-issue. But the fact is, people who love movies, make better movies. And they always will. Plus, they’re a lot more fun to be around.