Wendago

The Bloodiest of Valentines. Obviously the 3D cat is out of the bag. So, let me tell you this. It looks amazing. HiDef 3D is a gorgeous thing to behold. Wednesday’s arrival found myself and actress, Betsy Rue, in a van to the production offices. After a quick costume fitting it was back to the hotel where we unloaded luggage, ate, then caught another van to the set where EXT. NIGHT mayhem ensued.

I greeted a glowing but very tired Patrick Lussier. Big smiles and an even bigger hug, so big I thought I’d broken his 3D glasses. We met the ladies in make-up, I got nosy trying to sniff out the on-set juicy gossip but was shut down. I would have to prove myself before being taken into the inner circle.

Betsy and I watched actor, Tom Atkins, shoot a couple of scenes, entertained a collection of extras and stayed up as late as we could in an attempt to get our bodies and minds on the night time schedule. Then we grabbed Pat, who would later become our regular and most laid back driver, and journeyed back to the hotel for some fast sleep.

I was up by ten and hit the gym. On my first day I met actor Kerr Smith. And I was very happy about that. Kerr is a Dawson’s Creek grad. And more recently Mel and I had TiVo’d Justice for its short run and were impressed with how easily he held his own against Victor, Jenny Garner’s daddy from Alias. From early on, Patrick had given me access to the auditions. No director has ever done this for me. But that’s Patrick. And Kerr was a stand out. You know, it’s always fun to hear your words flow from the mouth of a great actor. But when that actor takes your words and delivers them in ways you never even imagined…well, that’s sort of dreamy. Anyway, since I’m an opinionated son of a Kentuckian, I, of course, shared my favorite with Patrick. Go figger. His favorite too. No surprise. Because that’s when the Hollywood machine actually works. I’m nothing special. My opinion is nothing special. But when you get a bunch of like minded people around, magic nearly always results. And Patrick is brilliant at surrounding himself with like minds. Anyway, I thought Kerr’s auditions were great. Magic beans compared to what he’s doing now. You can’t help but marvel at his performances and wonder just how long before this cat is a household name.

And speaking of dreamy…Jensen Ackles. Good lord. No fella should be that good looking. And that deep voice of his? Swoon. Mel adored him on Smallville, which led to our watching Supernatural where I was introduced to his talent. I like Supernatural. I like him in the show. But I just didn’t expect the performances I’ve been seeing. I guess I was prejudging the good looks. Sue me. We’re all bastards in our own way. His role is one of those challenging roles that can be played vanilla or stunning. It’s a risk for an actor to take on a role like this. I once saw an actor not only lose his job but I personally rewrote his character out of the script because the actor had gone with vanilla. Jensen went with stunning. I watched him shoot a scene on night two that gave me goosebumps. Patrick refers to him as a young Steve McQueen.

Jaime King was off this week so we didn’t meet. Make note of what I’m about to say because I so rarely admit fault but I had written her character a little too harshly when we first meet her. Fortunately Patrick caught my mistake and I made the fixes last week. I saw some of that footage while here. Well, not here. Currently, here is bouncing up and down in first class as we swing around a big storm. But the footage was awesome. She was stunning. Both to look at and in her performance. She is amazingly perfect in so many ways. A buddy of mine said he saw her last week and she was commenting that Patrick Lussier was the nicest director she’s ever worked with.

It’s pretty amazing just how talented this cast is. Which brings us to Edi BigLove Gathegi. If you watched House then you know of whom I’m speaking. Just before I flew in, Mel and I saw him in Gone Baby Gone. He’s a chameleon. I ran into he and Kerr near the trailers shortly after we’d shot our first scene together. In one of my attempts to sound witty while talking to actors (and trying not to let my fanboy show), I was telling Kerr and Edi that Edi’s part and their banter got both longer and better after they were cast. For the simple reason that Patrick (and myself) really liked them together. Patrick told me pretty much exactly how he saw them in his head and I went home and pretty much wrote exactly what he wanted. But when I said this to Kerr and Edi, Edi knew me only as some noname day-playing actor who had suddenly walked up and started talking like he owned the place. He was like, “Uh…I don’t see it that way.” Then turned to Kerr, “Do you?” So I tried to explain myself by saying the script used to be this and that, which did little more than baffle Edi as to how in the big wide world did this bald moron of an actor read early versions of the script? Finally, I think Edi said something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, who are you?” Which is when Kerr jumped in and said, “He’s the writer.” So, in my attempt to give these guys a compliment, I made one of them feel silly. Nice stringing together of your words, Mr. Farmer. Keep it up. You should be a writer or something. A simple, “Hey, Edi, I worked as a writer on the movie. Your and Kerr’s auditions were so good, we ended up making your scenes together bigger.” I guess that would have been too easy. Not nearly complex and confusing enough.
You know what I don’t like? Lightning at umpteen thousand feet. Don’t like them big sudden drops out of the sky much neither.

I had spoken with producer, Jack Murray, several times on the phone before meeting on set. Jack is not only the coolest looking bastard on the planet, he’s also exactly what you want in a producer. When I’m on the set, part of the fun is stealthing back and watching. It’s that whole…who you are when no one is looking. I watched Jack make the rounds. I watched Jack go out of his way to make Patrick’s job easier. He didn’t seem to be doing it for praise. He was doing because that’s what a great producer does. I’m not used to that. On my first movie the producers were the enemies. They spent ALL of their time creating obstacles for both myself and the director. Creativity dried up because we were busy putting out their fires. But on this set I saw Jack put out several fires, many before they’d even started. Many before Patrick even knew they existed. When I witness someone watching out for my brother…well…it earns my loyalty. Good man, Jack.
I met cinematographer, Brian Pearson. I knew he was something special because this wasn’t the first time Patrick had worked with him. It’s sort of amazing. They are starting to sound alike. Both soft spoken. A similar cadence to their voices. I watched a couple of playbacks and Brian’s visuals are stunning. The man has managed to make me look even better than I naturally do. I’ve always been a 10 but Brian has turned me up to eleven. While watching the playbacks I found myself wanting to make out with me. He’s just that good. And like Patrick his passion and workaholism is unending. Even at lunch their conversations would drift into upcoming shots. These are men incapable of halfassing. Phoning something in is simply impossible for them. It’s not in their nature. It’s actually inspiring to watch these two together. I think this is one of those partnerships we/they will still be talking about decades down the road.
Then there’s Gary Tunnicliffe. Gary’s a Brit with blood. His prosthetic creations are…well…just one big ol’ lighting bolt away from…It’s Alive! Alive! Gary’s a little intimidating. You’ve met those people who are jacks of all trades? Gary’s sort of like that but he’s more a King of all trades. It’s a little creepy. Not only can he mix up a mean batch of blood but he’s an incredible writer. He told me the story for a screenplay he’d written which both blew me away and made me jealous that I hadn’t thought of it myself. And then there’s the sense of humor. The man keeps you in stitches. For instance, Producer Jack brought the Coffee Guy to set one night for the crew. The Coffee Guy was exactly what you would expect…a one man Starbucks. One by one, everyone made their way over to his table to order assorted specialty coffees. Except our stuntman. Who for one reason or another couldn’t get there. So he grabbed a union radio and ordered an espresso with a pump of vanilla. Pump. Of. Vanilla. This phrase crawled up Gary’s backside and dug in like a lime carrying tick. Pump of effing Vanilla? You’re the bloody stuntman! Shouldn’t you be tossing back a shot of Wild Turkey? Not a bloody Pump of Vanilla! You’d never catch Hooper ordering a pump of vanilla. Then he proceeded to quote 73 percent of the dialog from Hooper. Before the end of his rant, the stuntman had been forever dubbed, POV (Pump of Vanilla). I love Gary. I love him because he gave me a pillow. I wish I could explain what that means. In March perhaps.

Then you have actress, Betsy Rue. Brave doesn’t begin to describe her. She came to Pittsburgh ready to work and beware any all that get in her way. She kept the crew in stitches and within three minutes of entering the makeup trailer the girls were calling her a breath of fresh air. Spunky and tells it like it is. If war breaks out on a movie set, you’d better end up on Betsy’s side or you are going to get wounded. I fully expect her to be a huge star and she’s already got that whole hiding from the paparazzi thing down.
Fact is, the whole experience was humbling. The crew is simply phenom. The actors are great. And the story is unbelievably good if I say so myself. And although I knocked much of it out of the park, the praise must go to Patrick first. Because, as always happens, great projects always end up getting screwed by studio egos. Does this mean studio executives have nothing but bad ideas? Not at all. I’ve used some great ideas that came from executives. Even the yoyos at Lions Gate came up with some good ideas from time to time. But here’s the rub. Not ALL of their ideas are good. Can they market a movie? Sure can. In fact, they excel at it. I would even go as far as saying Lions Gate is one of the best in the business when it comes to marketing. If one of their movies fails, the one department you can’t blame is marketing. The one department you can blame is development. Patrick overcame. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched a script reach that point where it takes a step backwards. Many times that step backwards becomes a simple freefall. I witnessed the big step backwards. I saw it happen. Patrick saw it happen. He told me he’d stop it. He told me he’d fix it. And. He did. Not only did he keep his word, but the story is actually better than before the backslide. He’s a freaking genius. Patrick, Jack, the actors…somehow they managed to get the rotting apples out of the batch. It just so rarely happens.
I’m so very proud to be a small part of this movie. As the end of the month nears, the film will wrap. Patrick and Cynthia will attack the editing and eventually Lions Gate’s Marketing will take over. I couldn’t be happier. I remember what those New Line morons did to Jason X. So nice to have access to a department that knows what it’s doing. In fact, I met Lions Gate’s Head of Marketing. She stopped at the Doubletree to pick up her friend Selena, with whom I was chatting. Earlier I noticed Selena and I had the same call time and assumed we would be riding in the same union driven van. Not so. Rightfully so, I wasn’t allowed in the grown up van. But no worries. When we got outside there was a resounding roll of thunder, the sky lit up, the heavens opened and Bob arrived. Or Roberto as he was often called when he drove Robert Duvall around. I don’t recall Bob’s proper title, but he was the union bossman. I leapt into Bob’s Mini and we sped away.
Sarah was there because both her friend and her dog are in our movie. Her dog, which I innocently referred to as, Louis the Pug, much to her horror. I had just insulted the most powerful person at Lions Gate. She promptly informed that it was, in fact, Louise the French Bully. It should be noted that the Mightie Louis’s trailer was the same size as mine. Some might be offended by this. But I know how important Mightie Louis is so I gotta think my career is on the rise. And while it would have been easy to just shove both friend and dog into the script and call it a day, they both take part and add to what will be one of the coolest set pieces in the film. Of course, this is a film with a dozen brilliant set pieces. But the point is, nothing was ever phoned in.
It was a crazy, even surreal night. All in all, I didn’t want to like Sarah, Head of Marketing, because she’s a suit. I’m just so used to suits being the enemies. But I couldn’t help it. I liked her. Because you know what I love? Competence. I love people who are good at their jobs. Not just good, but great. Sarah is great at her job. Probably the best. As a result she demands and deserves respect. You know what I don’t love? Incompetence. There are a lot of people who think their position makes them deserving of respect. Sadly, for every Sarah, there are two morons skating under the radar of incompetence. It disgusts me actually. I honestly wish I didn’t care so much because they are everywhere and hard to detect sometimes. We have a great director. A great crew. A phenomenal cast. Gary’s FX are disgustingly perfect. Paradise’s 3D is a gorgeous thing to behold. Clever writing and a top notch marketing department ready to sell this thing from Scranton to the dark side of the moon. And right slap in the middle we had some asshats who very nearly sank the boat before she left the dock. All because of ego, fear and incompetence. In a previous post I said I didn’t want to work with Lions Gate again. Isn’t that crazy? Lions Gate is a strong company. How about we just cut out the bad apples? Joe Drake? You got your ears on good buddy? That’s trucker lingo cuz I play a trucker, after all.
I’ve just grown weary of the BS. Yes. Hollywood can sell movies. And as nutty as it may sound. Bloody Valentine is going to be one of the good ones. One of the films that slipped through the minefield to become something wonderful. I just think it’s time to get rid of the mines once and for all. I’d like to think a change is coming.

Plane landed in San Francisco safely. I returned to my wife and child. We walked the ocean. We watched a Panda fight with mightie Kung Fu. And as crazy as it was…6 day weeks, 16 hour days…I didn’t really want to leave. It’s so wonderful to be a part of something when you can see it’s working. And oh was it working. Of course, I missed Mel and Izzie. They’re my life. And in the five days while I was away my daughter decided to walk. I missed it.

But even now, as it is barking up 6 AM in Pittsburgh, I wish I was there, standing in a cold wet mine shaft. Tweaking a line here and there. Or offering a smile to a weary crewman or crewwoman. Or chatting with Bomba about his 31 years working for Mr. Rogers. I mean, how cool is that? Of course, I’d want Mel and Izzie snoozing in the hotel for my return. But that’s just how I roll.

I gotta start blogging more. The whole point of this was to be able to one day look back and chuckle at the adventure. Which means I need to get to work.
As far as Hollywood is concerned, I’m told that one should keep politics to his or her self, unless you want to destroy your career. Of course, since I’ve spent years reinventing ways of destroying my career…why stop now?
I am a Republican voting for Obama.
I have not switched parties despite the Bush administration’s many tireless efforts to convince me to do so. If Hillary bests Obama then McCain gets my vote. Although I don’t see that happening. Despite my alma matter, Kentucky’s, best efforts. When Kentucky was asked upon leaving the exit polls, why didn’t you vote for Obama, twenty-five percent responded, “Cuz he’s black.” Kentucky. Bless their hearts. Always the last to jump on board the Politically Correct train.
Messengers II has wrapped.
One script entered. Two movies leaved. At times it was frustrating writing and rewriting for such a low budget. But it sure was fun. And the notes were smart. The discussions were smart. The process was…wait for it…enjoyable. I had fun writing it. I had fun rewriting it. I would, with no hesitation, gladly work with Ghost House and Mandate again. I am really looking forward to seeing the finished product.
My Bloody Valentine is currently shooting and shooting in 3D. That last detail has turned the production into a monster. Huge lights, giant cameras and eons to set up shots. Welcome to the digital world. They have switched to 14 hours a day, six day weeks. I’ve been tweaking lines along the way. In fact, I polished last night what will shoot tonight. And I am loving Patrick Lussier. But then I always have. Not only is a friend…he’s simply a pleasure to work with and I consider it an honor being one of his commandos. Would and will happily work with him again. As for Lions Gate…nah. Not if I can help it. There are plenty of hungry writers in the world. I don’t mind sharing. Let somebody else have a turn. And one day I’ll tell the behind-the-scene story. An epic adventure of a handful of heroes who do battle with a team of villainous morons. But that is a story for another day. Suffice it to say, the good guys won…although a few of us lost limbs.
I leave on Wednesday for Pittsburgh. I am playing a small role in the film.
As for Monkey’s Paw…if you recall from my last post, I had proclaimed it perhaps the best script I had ever written. Risky and bold and a throwback to the way movies used to be made, to the way stories used to be written. Yeah. Well. So much for that. I’m currently doing a page 5 rewrite. That means the first five pages are the same…everything else brand new. I’ll make it work because that’s what I do.
I used to think my job as the screenwriter was like a novelist, in that he/she writes a story and Hollywood does everything in its power to nurture, protect and bring that story to fruition. Rrright. When monkey’s fly out of Bob Barker’s butt. No, like it or not, in today’s Hollywood the Screenwriter’s job is to take many different opinions, ideas, visions and work those into a cohesive and compelling story. No, that’s not easy. And yes, the truth hurts. But I’m not here to blow smoke up your hoohoo.
Anyone who frequents movie message boards will see the trend. The general public knows. Movies aren’t as good. Most poeple don’t know why. Heck, sadly even Hollywood doesn’t know why or somebody would change the current trend. I think, and of course I could be wrong, but I think the answer is simple. The people who know how to make movies aren’t the ones making the movies. The writers aren’t in charge of writing the story any more. Executives are. And I’m not talking about high-level power executives. I’m talking about all executives. Even the kid fresh out of film school. The directors are losing their directorial power. This may come as a surprise but at many studios it’s the Marketing Department who has final say over casting.
I and other believe that movies on the whole have suffered. The quality of the story has suffered.
Don’t believe me? Test the theory. Look at the top ten movies of 2002. Then compare those to the top ten movies of 2007. Which year has your favorites movies? And pay no attention to box office. Studios have that down to a Science. They know how to sell movies. They just forgot to let the talent make the movies.
Remember when all Oscar movies used to be made by studios? Not anymore. Juno. No Time for Old Dudes. Now Oscar goes to the independents. Why? What has changed? Pretty simple really. Writers and directors still control the movies in the independent world. Not so much in the studio world. But what about Iron Man? It was great! And it was huge! Everyone loved it! Yes, it was. But Iron Man wasn’t made by a studio. It was an independent. Marvel paid for it. Marvel controlled it. Not a studio. What about all the Pixar movies? Toy Story. Monster’s Inc. Finding Nemo. Again independent. Until recently. Will that change now that they are with Disney? If Disney is smart they’ll stay out of the way.
So, what else is going on? Well, once I have Monkey’s Paw behind me (I should finished when I return from Pittsburgh) I have a TV pilot to finish. Then I’m going to write a spec for Thomas Jane based on a Tim Bradstreet idea. Too early to get into details but it will be fun.
And even though imdb removed Psychopath from its listing, Carpenter is still attached and it’s still happening. It’s going to be a comic book first…as I have mentioned before. The comic will come out before the end of the year through…eh…I forget the publisher. It’s one of the independents. I’ll find out and post later.
I guess I could ramble on, but perhaps shorter, sweeter and more consistent posts are the new thing.

A day became a week and a week became a month…blah blah blah.

Last Christmas, our good friends, the Handman’s sent young Ms. Izzie Rain a Santa hat. Since we love the Handman’s way more than our daughter, we shoved the three month old hat onto our daughter’s 15 month old head.
Two of the companies I was working with pre-strike ended up cutting deals with the WGA so I went back to work early. As a result Messengers II starts shooting mid-April. And I’m awaiting notes on RKO’s Monkey’s Paw. At some point, Lions Gate cut a deal and I ended up rewriting My Bloody Valentine. It starts shooting May 12th.
First, let’s acknowledge the snotty emails. Yes. My Bloody Valentine is a remake. No. Choosing what movies are and are not made is not up to me. How about we all ease up on poor ol’ Toddly. Yes. I’ve a brainfull of new ideas but Hollywood don’t want original right now. They want safe, name recognizable remakes and sequels. And as much as I hate Corprate Hollywood the numbers don’t lie. The Descent was a grrreat movie. But nobody went to see it. Slither was a grrreat movie but nobody went to see it. That said, between Zane Smith, Patrick Lussier and yours frakking truly, My Bloody Valentine is a grrreat script. And trust me, that’s not been easy. It would be a very safe bet that along the way we have avoided more than a dozen dungbombs lobbed at the story. Welcome to the new Hollywood.

Okay, that should cover all the negative emails, and by the way, they were in the minority. To all those who sent happy emails of congratulations, thank you.
My managers mentioned Bloody Valentine to me back before the strike and…eh…I wasn’t really interested. Then I hard Lussier was going to direct. That peeked my interest. With Patrick running the Bloody show, I’m completely happy. If everyone stays out of his way there’s no doubt in my mind this will be the best of the remakes.

Young Ms. Izzie Rain loves Panda Express. I mean, like creepy fan girl Hannah Montana kind of love. It’s the potstickers that get her. And truth be told, her daddy loves the orange chicken. Desert Island, sunblock, Mel in a fig leaf, Izzie climbing a cocoa nut tree and all the orange chicken I can eat and I’m happy man. I like chicken just fine but this stuff is addictive. I just know I’ll be sitting there wolfing it down when one day some guy will burst through the doors and proclaim that “Orange chicken is made of people! Orange chicken is people!”

In other Bloody news, Jaime King is now onboard and I couldn’t be happier. Sure she’s a fan favorite and looks great in Maxim but her rehearsal tapes were incredible. And I hear from a buddy that she’s fantastic in The Spirit as well. This morning I chatted with Kyle, Jaime’s hubbicans and director of Fanboys. Seems like anytime I mentioned Jaime someone would say, “Oh yeah, Kyle’s a good friend of mine.” If we end up on the Bloody set at the same time we’ll perhaps test some Pittsburghian beer.

Messengers II starts shooting on the 21st of April I think. Might be the 22nd. It’s shooting in Bulgaria because when you think rural American farmland, of course, you think Bulgaria. As anyone who suffers through this journal knows, I am ze king of bitching about Hollywood and the morons who ruin it…I mean run it. But in this case I need to stop bitching long enough to give some praise.
I turned in my Messengers II first draft a few weeks before the strike. Then there was a string of meetings with Andrew (line producer), JR (Ghost House exec) Sam Raimi (exec producer) and a couple of execs from Mandate and all of this with director Martin Barnewitz on the phone from Denmark. Those meetings were…well, they were fun. Actually made me feel young again. Like what I foolishly thought Hollywood was before I’d been kicked in the balls so many times. And all of this for a small little movie that would likely never see more than a direct to DVD release. We bantered and brainstormed and I never felt like I was being forced to make a change I didn’t agree with. I can’t tell you how rare that is. After three or maybe four meetings I had several pages of notes.
But, let’s back up. First off, this was a one step deal. Meaning I would get paid for one draft and that payment would be broken into two parts. I would get paid to start writing the script and I would get paid for delivering that script.
Of course, normally that’s all BS talk. That first payment…the one you get for starting the script…yeah, you actually never get that one until you finish the script and your agent/manager/lawyer calls the company and tells them that they can have the script as soon as the write a check. Check comes pretty quickly after that. I’m still not sure why they call it a commencement check. I guess the same reason you sell something for 4.95 instead of just saying 5 bucks. Anyway, that’s how commencement payment normally goes down. And after that you normally wait months and months to get that delivery check for the delivery you just made.
But that’s not how it went down on Messengers II. There was a strike looming and I just wasn’t interested in playing the accounting head games. So I broke every rule in the book and sent the script to the execs without blackmailing them for a check. What happened next was pretty odd. I got paid. I got paid for commencement AND delivery. And they paid fast. No theatrics, no angry phone calls. Seems silly to praise someone for doing what he or she said they would do, but oddly enough it really is rare.
So there I was sitting in a room with all these execs, including Sam freaking Raimi (and yeah, I might have geeked out a teeny bit) and getting all these notes when I had already been paid everything I was contractually owed. Of course, I did have an optional step. Which means, the studio could decide to keep me around for an additional draft. Of course, every contract I’ve had since ’96 has had that optional step included. And since ’96 no company has ever implemented it. No, I was pretty sure that last batch of notes would fall under the “free” rewrite category.
“Free” rewrites are all the rage here in Hollywood these days. You see, over the last ten years the gates opened and a bunch of young hungry writers flooded the market. They were so hungry to get their feet in the door that they wrote for scale (that means the lowest dollar value the Writer’s Guild will allow), they did dozens of “free” rewrites and they did whatever the executives/producers asked. As a result the business changed. Those of us with quotes started getting “take it or leave it” lowball offers. “Free” rewrite became the norm. And when you argued a story point with an executive, they looked at you like you had just started urinating on their mother. At least all those new writers got their feet in the door. We got that going for us. Although there are many who might argue that New Hollywood’s quality of movies have suffered.
In any case, I’d been paid for my one and only step. Nikki Finke was preaching to everyone that the strike was gonna happen Monday morning. And there I was sitting with a whole new batch of notes. So, I started writing. And I turned in the second draft at 8:30pm on Sunday night. 11:30 pm eastern. And as Nikki Toldja Finke predicted, we went on strike Monday morning midnight. There are no doubt some militants out there who might frown at my choice to turn in my draft. Eh, whatever. The fact was, not turning in the script would have been worse. I got no right to bitch about Hollywood being unaccountable if I am unaccountable. I may be a grumpy pain in the keester but I am accountable. I did my job and I’d do it again.
And was I rewarded for my hard efforts? I got an email of thanks from one of the executives. Two weeks later I got a letter from Sony informing me that due to the strike my services would no longer be needed. It basically meant that optional pass would never happen. It basically meant I would never get paid for killing myself to turn in that last draft. Of course, there are some militants out there who would say I got what I deserve. And I would agree.
Because a week later I received a check for commencement and delivery of the optional step. Yes. They paid me. Now let’s take a moment of silence and think about that.
They. Paid. Me.
They never “officially” commenced me on that optional step. We’d gone on strike. Sony had already sent the official letter telling me to go fly a kite, yet, they paid me. I’ll be honest, I walked around pretty stunned for a couple days. My writer buddies with whom I shared this information walked around stunned for a few days. You see, this just DOES NOT HAPPEN! But in the case of Ghost House, Mandate, Sony…it did. I’m still stunned. Anyway, I felt this deserved some recognition. I’ve complained without stop about this industry, but in this case I’ve met a company that did simply, what they said they would do. And that’s amazingly rare.

Then there’s Monkey’s Paw at RKO. Perhaps the darkest and in many ways, most challenging script I’ve ever written. So dark and so…unnerving that Mel didn’t like me for several weeks. Thing is, some stories are tough to write and in order to do them properly it requires you go to a dark place. That was the job. And so…I went there.
And by the way, as Abby Normal as this may sound, I got more praise to give out. Remember when I said that in 12 years I’d never received a commencement check before having a script ready to turn in? Well, RKO paid me a commencement check before the draft was ready. Only a week after they’d commenced me in fact. 12 years, two dozen gigs and that’s a first.
And the praise don’t stop there. Kevin Cornish is the executive at RKO with whom I’ve been dealing with the most. I think it is no secret that I consider most, if not all, executives to be little more than a company tax deduction. But Kevin has forced me to alter my thinking. From day one he has never had any interest in cookie cutter, follow the blueprint horror movie screenwriting. He wanted to make a classic. For Kevin it was all about doing something new. Doing what the Shining did before the Shining existed. Doing what Rosemary did before Rosemary existed. What Exorcist did and so on. You can make the argument that SAW and Hostel did those things and perhaps they did…they certainly pushed the envelope…but will they stand the test of time? Will they become classics? Only time will tell. But we know that the true classics did two things. They pushed the envelope and they drew us into an uncomfortable, sometimes never fully explained world. Well, that’s what Monkey’s Paw has become. I personally think it’s one of the best scripts I’ve ever written.
In the last ten years, just about every meeting I’ve ever taken has been some yoyo telling me to make it more like SCREAM, then it was more like THE RING, then it was more like HOSTEL. To suddenly have an executive telling me to show him something he’s never seen, to take him somewhere he’s never been, somewhere uncomfortable, somewhere foreign…sheesh…my head was spinning.
Kevin’s reasoning was simple. When he looked around at his heroes they were men and women who were constantly pushing the boundaries. They were constantly taking risks and trying something new. They WEREN’T scrambling to make a movie that looked like SAW or Hostel. Polanski, Spielberg, Kubrick…they didn’t follow any pattern or rulebook other than their gut and their faith in imagination. They took chances and sometimes they failed horribly, but when they did it right they did it unbelievably right.
So, here’s the thing, and Kevin and I have talked about this at length. We now have a script that does NOT fit the cookie cutter, analytical new Hollywood. As a result I gotta wonder if we’ll survive the hurdles ahead. But I do have a prediction. One of two things will happen. Young Master Cornish will either be beaten down and defeated by New Hollywood or he will drive the stake thru the monster’s heart and end up as one of the few that will save an industry. Either way, I have front row seats for the show.

Doctor Lorey’s Nightmare Academy released in the UK and is a big hit. Of all the covers this one is by far my favorite. Although Spain would run a close second. I don’t have the Spain pic handy but it’s up at Dean Lorey.com.

Now let’s talk about Bluray. Love it! Awesome! Un…frakking…believable picture. Until our PS3 took a crap and our discs stopped loading. Well, that’s not true. Actually all they will do is load. The little teardrop in the right hand corner just spins and spins and spins. So, we’re sending it back to Sony. In the meantime we, perhaps foolishly, bought PS3 number 2. We’ll stick it in the bedroom if Sony does us right and ships us a new one. We figured why buy a player for the bedroom when the PS3 cost the same and gives you both gaming and internet? Of course, this all depends on whether or not this glitch of ours truly is a one in a million occurrence as Sony claims.
Oh, and by the way, Bluray won. Isn’t it…I don’t know…criminal for Best Buy and Target not to share this fact with their customers? They are still carrying HD players. They are still carrying HD discs. Hello? I’m just feeling a little buyer’s “almost” remorse because we bought an HD player before the original PS3. But we took it back because it wouldn’t work with our amp.
EDIT: As I sometimes do…I sent my ramblings to Mel to look over before posting. And she informs me that I’m wrong about Best Buy. That, in fact, they called us yesterday to inform us that Blu-ray, won. And even though we returned our HiDef player they are sending us a gift card for a discounted purchase of a Blu-ray player. Okay, I stand corrected. Nicely played, Bestest Buy. Shame on you Target.

Moving on, shout goes out to Protecious from Myspace for creating the creepy Todd gif.
Okay, so what else needs to be covered? The journal totally missed out on Christmas, no? Mel got one of those bright colored Science Fiction vacuums that Gordon Sumner sells on the TV.

I know at some point I had intended to journal about Britney’s vagina. And later I figured I’d have to mention Paris’s vagina. Then before I could get to those Britney’s sister got knocked up and by proxy her vagina made the news. But in looking back…ugh. Who cares about a bunch over-used vaginas.

I have an office now. An out of the house office. I just couldn’t get anything done at home because I’d end up wrestling the creature. And it’s hard to write dark creepy stuff with the Backyardigans singing “Float, flutter flyyyyy, float flutter flyyyy, Rock oh rock on hill top high, float flutter flyyyyyy,” in the background. See, now I got that song stuck in my head.

Oh and Izzie isn’t the only challenge. I’m sitting at my home computer the other day and I can hear Cleaning Mode Melanie tearing up the kitchen. I was trying to rewrite the climax of Messengers II when suddenly Mel breaks into song (Now for this to work one must sing the lyrics to the tune of Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust”).
Lust, lust lust, lustin for my butt.
Lust, lust lust, lustin for my butt,
And another one down,
And another one down,
Another one lusts muh butt.
Hey! Gonna get you too, another one lusts muh butt.
Needless to say, I left for the office shortly after.
Working at an office takes some getting used to. Especially since I’ve been a home office kind of guy for over ten years. And, of course, I worry about the girls if I’m writing late. For instance when they come to visit I insist that Mel IMs me the moment they get home to let me know they are safe. The other night they brought me dinner. We picnicked on the floor. Then they headed home. I looked up from writing and forty-five minutes had gone by. No IM from Mel. I’m a beast of imagination so I start worrying. I start IMing, “Hello? You there? Where are you?” I’m grabbing the phone and just about to call when. “Hey.” Pops up on the IM. I rip into Mel. Reminding her that she’s supposed to let me know she got home safely, that I can’t concentrate when I’m worried about them, that my imagination runs wild and I start worrying that they walked in on a burgler, blah blah blah…basically I let her have it. When I finished there was a long pause then came the reply:
“What makes you think I am really me?”
I can only hope that Jesus will smote her for that one.

What else? I’ve written two different pilots for two animated TV shows, both based on video games. And both have been picked up by cable companies. I’m not really sure what details I should give at this time so I’ll keep it brief. The Scifi Channel picked up one of the pilots and Spike picked up the other. More on that after all the papers are signed.
I got a call from the Writer’s Guild today. A very polite fella was asking if I’d been invited to the set of The Messengers. Confused, as I often am, I assumed he meant Messengers II. I told him it hadn’t start filming yet. Suddenly we were both confused. It was a mess. Turns out he was, in fact, referring to the first movie, to which I told him, no, I was not invited to the set. He then asked me if I wanted to seek damages. Whufusamoo? Ovaservagie scuzemuth? That’s not what I said. But that’s what I thought. What I said was, “Uh…no.”

In addition to writing on Bloody Valentine and in addition to Patrick’s now being in Pittsburgh prepping the shoot, he and I are writing a four issue comic book series called Mass Destruction, based on one of our old film pitches. Don Marquez, the artist from Alien Pig Farm has agree to pencil it for us which is fantastic. We’re doing all of this with a new company headed up by Ludon Lee who led the digital comic versions of Bad Planet and Alien Pig Farm. More on that as it develops.

I wrote The Lycan, a four issue comic base on a Thomas Jane idea, shortly after Alien Pig Farm. With Dark Country wrapped Tom now has the time to concentrate on comics. He and Tim Bradstreet have found an artist and plans are underway.

Yesterday Izzie Rain hit 18 months. That’s a year and a half in people years. She’s okay. I still like her mostly. Enough that we bought her some old school toys.

I quit smoking. I guess it’s been…5 months? Not really sure. I didn’t document it. I didn’t make a big deal about it. I just quit. I never really talked about smoking that much because I always knew it was this amazingly stupid thing to start doing and once I was hooked I believed all the BS that it would be hard to quit. It’s actually not hard. In fact, quitting was so foolishly easy that I feel…foolish for not quitting earlier. The problem is, I was told since birth that it was nearly impossible to quit. That smoking was as addictive as heroine! When I started smoking it was because I was on a self proclaimed path of destruction. I started smoking with the understanding that I would not be able to quit. Well as it turns out, quitting was easy. But in order to believe that you best pick up this book. “The Easy Way to Quit Smoking” by Allen Carr. There’s no preaching, no medical pictures of lungs or any of that crap. You know smoking is bad. You don’t need to be told what you already know. Carr goes about it in a way you won’t expect. I’ve tried to quit off and on for ten years. Just like every other smoker I know. But I never got close. Half way through reading the Easy Way I put it aside because I knew if I kept reading I would quit and I wasn’t ready. I went back to it a month later, finished it and walked away happy as could be. No shakes, no pains, no screaming at everyone in anger. I simply quit and was very happy about it. And by the way, this was in the midst of trying to finish several scripts with a strike looming. A very stressful time when I used to think I HAD to have a smoke. Walked away without a second glance back. Don’t believe me, read the book. Dare ya. Sissy.
American Idol. Yeah yeah, I know. But with TiVo you can watch a two hour show in 20 minutes. Least that’s how we Farmers do it. So let’s chat contestants.
Chikezie went home? Shame. His “She’s a Woman” by the Beatles was awesome. But Simon was right, his last song sucked.
Brooke White. Eh. Good voice. A little too goody two shoes for me.
Carly Smithson. Good voice. Lern2dress.
David Archuleta. I’m sorry. I know the girls dig ya but dude, you are creepy. And when I say creepy I mean, killing baby ducks and puppies and working your way up to the overweight neighbor girl who lives down the street.
David Cook. The most talented. I’ve yet to be let down. Have iTuned each of his performances. Hello blew me away. Eleanor Rigby as awesome. And this week’s Billie Jean was simply amazing. He may not win but he’s by far the best talent.
Jason Castro. Uh…dreamy. The whole aw shucks goofball thing may end up getting old but he’s the only other performer who’s tunes I have paid 99 cents for. I’m not exactly sure why the judges love that little anti-christ Archuleta while slamming Castro though. I guess because Archuleta is just fake enough to self promote himself while Castro is just too freaking ah shucks.
Kristy Lee Cook. Fine voice. Cute face. You could use some worldliness. Might think about calling your boyfriend and having him bring a box of condoms. I’m guessing both your voice and personality would improve after a good humpin.
Michael Johns. I like you. I could see hanging out with you. Good voice. Not sure I get who you are as a performer though. Not really a Daughtry, certainly not a Clay Akins. Dunno. I think I like that you are more mature than most of the twerps. At least you appreciated the Beatles while that cultist, Archuleta had never really heard of them.
Ramiele Malubay. Eh. Cute girl. Strong voice in such a small package. Pilipino pride FTW. If not for that you should probably go next week or the week after.
Syesha Mercado. Great voice. Pretty girl. Just never connected with me. I know the judges love you but something’s not there. Either you got it or you don’t and there’s a reason you were in the bottom three. The fact that Chikezie went home instead of you, surprised me.

Anyway, that’s why I like American Idol. I like playing sofa judge. But Idol is not my favorite show on TV. No, that award goes to BBC American’s Top Gear. If the freaking Brits would get with the program and put the past seasons on DVD I would already own them. This whole best of DVD crap they got going? It’s a travesty. You would think the Best show on television would get better treatment. The show is not easy to describe. Three guys, a DJ, a pianist and I forget what the other one used to do. Anyway they love cars. And every week they drive, test drive and review several. Mostly upper end stuff. Then there’s always some huge, unbelievably unpredictable challenge. Like all three having to build boats out of cheap vehicles then racing them across the English channel to France. Or turning a small British car (forget what kind) into a spaceshuttle (no kidding), which took off and crashed spectacularly. And then there’s always a celebrity who comes on the show and races around a track trying to beat the times of previous celebrities. Currently Simon Cowell holds the fastest time for this season, ahead of Ron Wood, Ewan McGregor, Hugh Grant, Helen Mirren and the list goes on and on. Anway, I still love House but as far as reality type or talk shows are concerned, Top Gear is in a league all its own.

This is what a bus does to the side of a building.
I ride my bike to the office on the days I don’t run to the office. I never drive so you hybrid owning numbnuts can blow me. Of course, my bike got stolen. A gorgeous Gary Fisher frame now gone. I was angry for about five minutes. Mel and I bought matching Gary Fishers when we lived in Thousand Oaks. But after Izzie clawed her way out, momma didn’t like the Fisher no more cuz she was so high off the ground. So we got her another bike. In the end it all worked out. Mel has a bike she likes to ride. I’m now riding her old bike and parking it in my office rather than chaining it downstairs. And some thief bought his kid Happy Feet on Bluray from the stolen Gary Fisher proceeds.

As loving parents, Melanie and I have tried desperately to instill some semblance of anti-normality and irregularity into our daughter’s basic wiring. As we breach month 15, we think we are approaching success. Currently Izzie Rain goes to bed between midnight and 2AM and sleeps until 10AM and noon. Sure, it’s a sacrifice we make but we know that down the road this will allow young Ms. Rain to enjoy all of David Letterman without getting drowsy and she should be well equipped to see most local bars through to closing. Her mother and I are very proud.

Of course, as a side effect to this hard line approach to parenting, Melanie and I are, of course, forced to stay up after midnight each morning. And in respect to our daughter we try to stay in bed until at least 10AM.
This morning that goal was impossible. Why you ask? A knock at the door, of course. Paramount, a member of the AMPTP, decided that it was very important that we receive the DVD for The Kite Runner for our consideration. They balk at increasing our 1988 DVD residual rate but they’ll not blink an eye at spending ten bucks to overnight a DVD…for our consideration.
It perplexes me. While I appreciate Consideration DVDs and by the way will only vote on movies that I received in DVD form, they only send them because winning awards increases sales, thus increasing their revenue…revenue which writers only get four cents per copy.

So, let’s talk about the strike. I basically don’t get either side’s thinking. Let’s start with the dicks at the AMPTP. First off, writers, directors and actors do the creating. A giant team of below the lines makes it all possible and the studios/networks put up the money. You got labor and company. It’s an old story. Sort of. What’s different here is that a part of the labor force actually creates something brand new. We’re not following a company blue print or copyright. We’re creating from scratch. As a result, writers, directors and actors get residuals. As the companies sell this product both sides continue to make money.
Granted, our piece of the pie is small but with inflation that piece should go up in value. It is not. In fact, if the AMPTP were to get their way that piece would shrink stupidly small. Consider that currently when a TV show reruns, the writer gets paid a little over 20 grand. With additional airings that price goes down but writers still get paid per airing. With the new internet age the companies want to rerun that show for free for six weeks then pay us 250 dollars to air it as often as they like for the remaining year.
The studios/networks want to pay for a product and then be able to sell and resell that product until Jesus comes back and sends them all to hell without sharing the wealth with the creators. That’s it a nutshell.

Now, let’s break off from talking about the dicks at the AMPTP and talk about the jackasses running the WGA. Now when I say jackasses, I just mean they are a little stubborn; and I thought it was funny. Besides, dick or jackass, which would you rather be? Anyway, we seem to be fighting for some stuff I personally don’t really want, nor do I understand why we’re fighting for them in the first place. I’ll address two of the issues.
First, animation. Why animation? I say we go after steel working. Why not? I mean, isn’t there already a guild that covers steel workers? Because there’s a guild that already covers animation and I think steel working is way cooler. Plus, I know for a fact that the natural selection involved in steel working would increase the rate of writer fatality and all writers write better when they are at risk. No, wait. I know. Teaching! Writers are teachers. Sort of. I mean, who else would teach us how to vote democrat if it wasn’t for Hollywood? The WGA should include teachers in our strike.
Ranting aside, IATSE already covers animation. Does the animation deal suck? Sure does. It’s disgusting, in fact. But it exists and the WGA has nothing to do with it. What I don’t understand is, why is animation one of our strike points? Look, I ain’t nearly as smart as the Ivy clique of writers out there. I’m life experience taught. So could someone please explain to my dumb redneck brain why we are trying to cover animation when another guild already covers it? Look, I get that it is a travesty that Shrek pays zero residuals. It blows that Nemo can run forever without paying a dime to the writer. But if the animation deal sucks, and it does, isn’t it up to IATSE to fix it? Why is this the WGA’s battle?
Now let’s wax poetic about Reality TV. Hullo? “Writers” Guild. We write don’t we? We write stories? Beginning, middle, end. Structure and such. What are the jackasses thinking? Why are we striking over Reality TV? This is the craziest chicken or egg situation I’ve ever seen. Reality TV was created because we “threatened” to strike the last time. Now we have actually struke and one of our reasons is that we want to cover Reality TV? Why? Reality TV isn’t writing. Okay, okay, sure, it’s writing. But it’s not the writing we do…have done….will continue to do. It’s different. Like news writing is different. Some may argue, but Toddly, what about comedy writers, like them funny fellas who write for Letterman and Leno? Yes, yes, that writing is different but without that kind of writing, without those guys and gals who can sit in a room, spout off two sentences and have the room laughing…without them there would be no sitcoms and the sitcom, my friends, is the sort of writing we do.
But reality TV writing is not. I’m not taking away from it. I’m not belittling it or looking down on it. Someone out there is making Seacrest look good and someone out there is writing up all those Survivor challenges. Go forth and continue. But tell me one thing. While we strike, who’s going to be out there creating content for the dicks at the AMPTP? Who’s going to be out there generating revenue, which directly undermines the pressure our strike is supposed to create? Reality TV writers, that’s who. We’re striking because we want to help reality writers? Well, we should pat ourselves on the backs. We have succeeded. From what I’m hearing from my non-writing buddies, reality TV is going strong. Reality writers are busier than ever. In fact, even I have fielded calls asking if I’d like to work on developing a reality show. I said, no, by the way, but the point is, reality writers are working while we are on strike. Man, I simply do not get this logic. And hey, if reality writers feel they’re being shafted then reality writers should start a union. Why are we taking this burden?
I think the answers are both political and ego.
You know what issue I care about? New media. Internet. Streaming. If I create something and it airs over and over then I want to be paid for it. Just as a novelist is paid per book. Just as a song writer is paid per play or per album.
A good friend, who agrees that writers should be better compensated, was playing Devil’s advocate with me and brought up the point that making a movie is a huge collective process. That writers alone are not the only ones involved. Well yes, that is true. It’s also the reason that directors and actors get residuals. But song writers are not the only ones involved in delivering a finished song. There are producers and musicians and vocalists and sound guys and marketing and just like movies there are a ton of talented folks involved. But without the song writer sitting down to stare at a blank page, none of them would have a job. As a result the song writer blows screenwriters away when it comes to compensation per play or sale.
I also hear the augment that no one really knows what will happen with the internet and that we should take a small piece now and increase it later once the internet is more solid. Yeah, that’s what we did with DVDs and we’re still being paid at the crappy 1988 rate. And while we’re told that the internet is too new to assign a worth, we see every mogel with a mike shoved in front of his piehole boasting about the future of the internet.
And here’s a little something that I rarely hear debated. Soon, and I mean very soon. Everything will be internet. Cable TV as we know it will vanish the way of the 8 track and the VHS. Soon, all television content will be brought to you via the internet. In fact, it’s already started. Mac’s iTV and even my own Dish Satilite has this happy little DVR video boasting about how you can view free movies if you’ll just hook your internet up to your Dish box. The companies know this is the future. They want us to agree to six weeks free, then 250 for unlimited usage over the remaining year? Hullo? I’m an idiot from Kentucky and even I can count higher than that.
Look at is this way. You work in a nice building. You make 800 bucks a week. There’s this bigger building down the street. Very modern, very high tech. Your boss sends you there to work once a week but has been refusing to pay you when you work there. So, you get angry. Your boss says, “Okay okay, I’ll pay you when you work at the bigger building, but here’s the thing. I won’t pay you for the first six weeks you work there and then I’ll pay a flat 250 for the rest of the year.” He tells you not to worry because you’ll only be getting that crappy pay when you work at the bigger building. But you have this odd feeling that very soon the powers that be are going to tear down your current building and all work will be done out of the bigger building. Instead of making a weekly paycheck, you will now be making 250 a year. Welcome to the new Hollywood.
Yes, yes, that’s a goofy example but it made me giggle. Sadly it’s very relevant. Because DVDs are going to go away. Cable television will soon be all internet. And writers will be stuck with whatever deal we end up making where new media is concerned. No more 20 grand for the first rerun. That rerun will air on NBC and it will be brought to you, not by cable but by internet. The writer will get nothing for that rerun. And the writer will continue to get nothing for six weeks. Then the writer will get 250 dollars.
What does this mean for features? Who knows? With the above causing such a stink, the powers that be never got around to discussing features. But you can rest assured that as everyone starts downloading their movies, as DVDs go away, as HBO and CBS begins airing via the internet, then the residual system we have now (which we already thought was horrid) will seem like a happy dream if the AMPTP gets their way.

We won the PR battle. Yes, Variety and the Reporter were slanted but not nearly as bad as I expected. And although NIkki Finke is the only one telling the writer’s side of the story as it really is, the word is still getting out there. I talk to friends and family back in the south and they understand. There’s this huge built in mistrust of big business and government. Then you have Myspace, Facebook and a guhzillion forums where writers live and breath. The very world we are fighting for is a world the AMPTP never used or understood. All they knew/know is that it is the wave of the future. Since we were winning the PR war they went out and hired the big gun PR guys. Good for them. Smart move. Shame the WGA doesn’t do the same thing. But even though we’re winning the PR battle. Even though the the countless polls taken show in huge favor of the writers, the companies don’t care. They’ll take the hatred for them all the way to the bank. This isn’t personal. Well, perhaps it is inside the negotiating room but outside, in real world it’s about dollars and bottom lines. Yes our picket lines have been strong. Writers are coming together like never before. But this is going to get worse if some egos don’t get flushed fast.
Because people are going to lose their homes. Agents and managers are scared. Middle management is scared. Below the Line workers are terrified. 80 percent (and that’s stupidly conservative) of guild writers don’t have two months income in the bank. It’s going to get bad. And here’s the thing. The AMPTP, doesn’t care. Because they got a bunch of Reality TV people working double time to bring in revenue…that and they have access to billions of dollars. So far the polls and community are on our side; that may not always be the case.
No. It don’t look good but I’m a glass half full kind of guy and I’m hopeful that the dicks and jackasses can flush the egos and get back to business. I never wanted this strike and would have voted against had the dicks not gone militant and suggested removing residuals altogether. That was a boneheaded move on their part and as a result they forced a gigantic vote against them. Had their egos not thought it a good idea then we might have avoided this strike altogether. But what’s done is done.
Now it’s time to bring in some new negotiators. Both sides have failed. Good effort, now go away. Let’s get back to what this should have been about in the first place. New media. Internet. Streaming.
I don’t care about reality TV. There’s already a guild covering animation. Take those off the table. The only issue that matters is New Media. Internet. Streaming. That is the future. That’s where the fight should be. All that other junk muddies the waters. Reality TV isn’t our fight. Animation isn’t ours to fight for. Dump it and focus on what matters so we can all get back to work.

Look, as always, this is just my small opinion. But I’m entitled. I’m southern. Old school. I want to write and I want to provide for my family. I want to cheer my friends’ successes and make fun of my enemies’ failures. I want to eat beef and have a glass of wine or ride my bike and giggle when I break wind. I want to work with like-minded people. I want to enjoy the ride. Friends, enemies…I just want us all to get back to work and try to remember that we used to be good at making movies and TV.

The assumption was that a strike “would” happen…but us half glass full folks certainly hoped it wouldn’t. So I continued to work. I worked hard and kept my fingers crossed and then I heard the news, like everyone else, “Monday morning at midnight”. No one I spoke with was happy about it but the AMPTP didn’t leave us much choice with their miserable rollbacks and headgames. So, I sent my last script via email at 8:30pm Sunday night (since that was 11:30 Eastern). Such a shame really. Because working on the above mentioned project was…well…fun. The money was crap. Well, less than crap. Crap would consider it crap. But it was fun and I guess that’s something.
Yesterday I got one of those letters informing me that due to the strike the company involved would no longer have need of my further contractual writing steps. Basically they’re saying they aren’t going to pay me for that last draft. At least that’s what I’m supposed to think. I’m supposed to get all discourage and as a result use my vast connections at the WGA to put pressure on the powers that be to make a deal. Yeah. Right. First, they gotta pay me. It was a really cute letter and all but eventually after a long dance with my lawyers they’ll have to pay me. Second, I don’t feel very discouraged.
Maybe I’m naive but again, I really did enjoy working on this gig. I “liked” the suits I was working with and I don’t say that often. Mainly because I’ve worked with some real brain stools in this business. But these guys and gals I liked. And I doubt they even know about the letter. The machine is so big on their end that the left hand really doesn’t have a clue who the right hand is screwing. At least that’s how the letter read. It wasn’t personal. It read like a form letter. So, I filed it away and went to tickle my daughter.

So, in my downtime, wanna take a guess what I have been doing? I’d rather spend time with her anyway. She is officially getting into everything. She likes bikes. We keep them inside because the nightly fog leaves a layer of moisture on everything in our small town and that wreaks havoc on anything rust worthy.
The other day while her momma was making a food run, I heard young Ms. Rain yelling and turned to find her half hanging with her arm stuck in the spokes. She wasn’t really crying although it looked painful. I would have been crying. But if I had to translate her emotion I’d say she was pissed. I helped her free herself at which point she promptly stood and proceeded to yell angry gibberish at said bicycle wheel and spokes.
I have always heard that first time parents were overly protective. And sure we’ve had our moments. I certainly don’t like it when she’s sick, even though she doesn’t seem to mind that much. And I don’t like it when she does the “real” cry. Like sometimes when she wakes up in the middle of the night and starts crying this panicked, heart wrenching sound. It’s rare but it’s powerful. She doesn’t cry much but when she does it’s normally the grumpy cry. Or the “I want something” cry. With those cries I just kick her out of the way and go about my business. But that “real” cry. Yeah, that one makes daddy jump. Thankfully, that cry is from the heart and so far can’t be faked. Turns out she’s not a polished actress. Guess she’ll be a storyteller like her parents. Or a ninja.
But in all our adventures I have found Mel and I to be rather laid back. We have friends who are Biblical in their belief that children shouldn’t watch TV before the age of two. Young Ms. Rain loves Monster’s Inc, Finding Nemo and recently Happy Feet. They make her happy and we’re not taking those away from her just cuz some bozo with a couple of letters behind his/her name said so. They ain’t the boss of me. Nobody puts baby in a TV-less corner. But it’s interesting to note, that Young Izzie Rain only likes those three movies. I’ve tried The Incredibles, Shrek and all the old Disney classics. In fact, last night, since we had established how much she loves Happy Feet, we tried Surf’s Up. Three minutes into Izzie turned to us and gave us a look like, “What the f@#* is this $#!*?” Then proceeded to play with her blocks and refused to look at the TV until we stopped the DVD and started watching a TiVo’d Dexter (which she loves by the way). The kid likes what she likes.
Okay, I kid about Dexter. People shows interest her less than Bambi and that retarded rabbit. And it’s not like we plop her down in front of the TV all day long. She’ll watch one of her movies while her momma and me shower or do assorted chores or sneak off for some nekedness. And while she may watch a movie every other day the rest of that day is spent taking walks or going to class or playing blocks or reading books. The fact is we have a great balance. We’re fortunate enough that we can actually stay home with our daughter and that makes for a pretty full day. Plus, I find it important to note that she’s happy.

Obviously I don’t like her much. Once a week we do Subway cuz we like to stay healthy like that fat kid, Jared. Izzie digs the ceiling fans there. She also likes Jamba Juice. She can tear through an Orange Dream Machine like that fat kid, Jared, tears through a teriyaki chicken 12 inch. In fact, she likes all juices except prune juice and rightfully so. I don’t care if it does help ya poo, the moron who came up with prune juice obviously sucked face with Satan. She loves McNuggets but prefers sweet-potato fries over Mickey D fries. This week she went from consistently hating broccoli to not being able to get enough of it. She loves Chang’s spicy chicken but hates their sweet and sour.
And regardless of the food she receives, or in some cases demands, nothing pleases her more than chasing a well balanced meal with her mother’s milk.

She came up to my office this week to help me play World of Warcraft. Turns out she wasn’t much help but that was okay since her idea of helping is to throw the mouse at the screen.
Several months backs she figured out how to overpower the baby gate protecting the dinning room. Granted most dinning rooms don’t require protection from a baby but we don’t actually eat in there. The cats do. They also poo in there and the idea of walking in to find our daughter playing happily in the cat box with a big long doo hanging from the corner of her mouth is a grim visual to say the least. So we put up a gate and she quickly dissected its defenses.
She never actually made it as far as the cat boxes but she did enjoy splashing in the kitty water bowl. Then, for no apparent reason, she simply forgot how to open the gate. Until tonight. Tonight she broke out (or in rather) three times. Each time we’d pull her out screaming and she’d sit in her room throwing a tennis ball against the wall until we turned our backs. I guess I’ll have to put up a new gate. Or dig my duct tape out of the toolbox.

Back to World of Warcraft, the first issue came out. I was actually up for writer…or perhaps I still am. This all started back before Comicon. My good friend David Wohl had suggested me to the guys at Wildstorm. They told me Walter Simonson would be writing the first storyline but that I would be in the running for the next story arch. I sent in a very detailed outline and was later told that of all the writers who had delivered outlines it was obvious that I had actually played the game. That’s an understatement. But playing the game was an important prerequisit for Blizzard. So my outline along with two others were sent to Blizzard. I felt pretty good about it. Better after I spent time hanging out with Jim Lee at the Lucasarts Comicon party.
Later I learned about the drama. Two months later to be exact. The Wildstorm executive with whom I had been dealing left Wildstorm shortly after Comicon. Hearing this news, I sent an email to his boss who quickly replied. It was a very positive email explaining that no decisions had been made. Blizzard was likely waiting to see how the launch went before committing to more issues after Simonson.
I haven’t heard the sales figures but my local shop sold out the first day. I assume that’s good news. There’s not alot of money in comics, at least not at my level. But I enjoy writing them. And I love playing warcraft so the fun factor stands for something.

Say hello to Gollum. He lives next door. He don’t move much. He don’t move at all in fact. And he never says a word. Which makes him a splendid listener. If you asked Melanie she would tell you that Gollum is nothing more than a dull colored baseball cap hung on a hook inside the neighbor’s bathroom. Poor deluded child.
I miss writing.
I mean, of course, I still write. I’m writing now. And I started planning for this strike ages ago by making friends in both the comic book and video game worlds and as a result I have plenty to keep me busy. But I love writing movies. I miss writing movies.

So for now, Mel and I will keep taking long walks with our daughter. We’ll continue taking late night drives to the 24 hour drive-thru Starbucks, a journey that consists of all three of us singing songs from the Happy Feet soundtrack. Soon we will decorate the tree. Later this month we’ll fly to Florida to watch my youngest brother get hitched. Basically we’ll continue to live life and keep our fingers crossed that the egos in Hollywood might one day sit down over some McNuggets and a Jamba Juice while watching Monsters Inc. and perhaps learn to play nice.