Wendago

Oh, man, Donnie Knotts passed away Friday night. In high school I was in the Andy Griffith Show fan club. Yeah, sounds goofy but this was Kentucky and therefore completely acceptable. Not to mention Benton and Mayberry are nearly the same place. And both are roughly three miles from Mount Pilot. I think Brad Miller was the President of the fan club in high school, which is funny considering in college Brad Camp was President. Perhaps it’s a “Brad” thing.
Rest in peace, little fella.

I finally finished the polish draft on “Clock Tower”. And what a long hard road it has been. But Brad Luff (who may or may not have been President of an Andy Griffith Show fan club) read the latest draft and wasn’t shy about offering praise — which I’m not used to. Mel read it and threw up in her mouth a little bit. But that may be due to the pregnancy. Luff did mentioned a couple of minor tweaks which I’ll address tomorrow since they’re doable in a day. Then it’s out to directors and if all goes well a shoot date set for June.
Tokyopop was pleased with the changes made to the “Sleepers” outline but mentioned official comments and questions were coming. That sounds like more notes. I hope I’m wrong. If I ain’t, then I predict I’ve reached the limit on the amount of free outlines I’m willing to do on this project. So, either the lawyers will jump in and start painting contracts soon or I’ll be moving on to something else.
I have three pitches this week. One is for a rewrite. One is for a two part film based on a comic. The other is based on a video game. I also have two general meetings. Vertigo and Contra.
And hopefully I can start the Riddle Me This rewrite this week.
I’ve also started a new spec which I’d love to find time for.
Now it’s time for stream of consciousness ramblings…

The other night a bird pooped on Mel’s head.
Speaking of poop, let’s talk about Dean Lorey. Okay, enough about Dean Lorey.
Lussier’s up in Canada and starts shooting “White Noise II” this week. He sounds pretty excited and happy with his cast. I’m sitting here looking at his IM away message which reads, “shotlisting”.
Back to Dean, he finished his rough draft of “Father Knows Best”, his Ray Romano comedy. I read it and laughed out loud. Mel read it and threw up in her mouth a little bit. But that may be due to the pregnancy. Dean’s also pitching a big TV show this week. It’s a brilliant idea. Here’s to hoping the powers that be are smart enough to recognize brilliance.
I placed an order with Gene the Dedkid. When it comes to hockey masks made famous by doods with machetes, I only wear those with the Dedkid stamp of approval.
Dean and I are talking about turning one of our old specs into a comic series and I’ve been bugging Spiegel about hooking us up with one of his artists.
APF 3000 should be well on it’s way to a completed first issue but I haven’t seen any new art since my last journal entry. I’m guessing Tommy Jane’s off shooting something and hasn’t had a chance to forward anything new. I’ll email him later.
My buddy Bode Miller has accomplished absolutely nothing lately and plans to accomplish absolutely nothing any time soon.
My father has a girlfriend. He sounds happy and that’s good enough for me.
Currently the wind is blowing up a storm outside. The rain is falling horizontal. Needless to say the seagulls are none too pleased.
I haven’t played World of Warcraft in over a month. I played Dungeons & Dragons online beta but it made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. But that may be due to Mel’s pregnancy.
The Messengers release date was pushed from August 06 to January 07. I’m told this has to do with Marketing. Apparently some genius with a degree in business has been able to convince everyone that January is a great month for horror movies. And it is too. Until it isn’t. The male lead in the Messengers, a farmer by the name of Roy Solomon, was named after two boneheads I buddied around with in high school. I was thinking about them recently due to the fact that all three of us have lost a parent over the last twelve years. Never a dull moment in this dust-covered life we live.
Both TiVos are filled with the Olympics which I’ve been playing catch-up on this weekend. I so love the Winter Olympics. Mel and I will be in Vancouver this time four years from now.

Mel and I head back for our next ultrasound this week. I’ll post pictures if and only if a penis is visible.
What is going on with this whole pregnancy thing? Why am I the one feeling sick in the morning? Why am I suddenly craving foods I’ve never liked? I have never liked Chicken Pot Pies. Now if I smell one in the oven I start lactating. And why are my nipples so sensitive?

I’d shush you but she sleeps like a rock. Gorgeous though, ain’t she?
The years together have forged one amazing story. Hearing parts of our story is tough. Grown men have cried. Some hear our story and feel compelled to purchase a puppy. Sometimes after hearing our story the phone rings and someone tells you you’ll die in seven days.
We’re on year 13. And 13 has always been a good number for us.
We’re healthy, happy and wise. And good looking. And humble. We go grocery shopping at 3AM. We buy our coffee from a Starbucks on the ocean where the employees know us by name. We make a living doing what we love to do. We don’t have a Burger King but we have Toasties, Peppers and the Red House Cafe. We got a bun in the oven and a honey baked ham in the fridge. Life is good, no? And on top of everything, Mel ordered a maternity shirt that reads “Knocked up”. I mean come on. How cool is she?

What do Angelina Jolie, Katie Holmes and Melanie Farmer all have in common? Besides the whole tall, brunette and hot thing.
Okay, I’ll tell you.

They are ALL carrying MY CHILD!
We had our first ultrasound last week. I’d post pics but the child is nekked.
If it’s a boy we’re going to name it Dean.
After Dean Riesner.
If it’s a girl, we’re going to name it Dean.
After Dean Lorey.

I’m pretty excited. I hear Mel’s boobs will get bigger. And Lord knows she needs more in that department. If the child grows in proportion with the food available then we’re in trouble. You can’t throw a duck without hitting boob around here. And by Golly Ms. Molly that’s the way we like it.
And speaking of the boob challenged…what is going on with Gray’s Anatomy? That last episode was a piece of crap. I’m not going to get into it though because I’ll just get angry at the hour of my life that I’ll never get back.

We’d been procrastinating that whole house buying thing. The freedom to just up and go at any moment was always nice. But now we gotta settle down. It’s not just about us anymore.
So we found this nice place for sale. It’s almost a thousand square feet and it’s only slightly over 800,000 dollars.

It’s move in ready. I mean if running water and Ebola aren’t important to you. And they’re not important to us.
Hey. Have you ever stumped your toe? Been tearing through your place and just slammed your toe into something? I did. And I was barefoot too.

We were rushing around in preparation to see Johnny Cleese at the Sunset Center in Carmel (I wasn’t supposed to take a picture. So I hunkered down, real low, turned off the flash and snapped one anyway. Imagine that).
But my toe was hurting. Because I didn’t just stump my toe on the coffee table or the corner of a chair.

No. I stumped my toe on a saw.
Spiegel’s saw to be exact. He’d loaned it to me so I could resize a closet shelf. We’re not talking about a new, sterile saw. we’re talking old. Covered in rust and dirt and cobwebs. Jesus built a patio with this saw. Of course, Spiegel’s Jewish so we’re talking about Jesus the Prophet, not Jesus the Savior. In any case, it was an old saw. Old yet orally hygienic. She still had all her teeth. Had it not been for the toenail on my pinkie toe I probably would have severed a digit. There was more blood than that time Mel tried to stab me with a kitchen knife.
I’m fairly certain I let loose a long reverberating tenor note when I first made contact. Mel was yelling, I was yelling. She was screaming that I would need stitches. I was screaming that I’d never moonwalk again.
In the end we just wrapped the thing until I couldn’t feel anything below the knee and then ran off to see Johnny Cleese.

On the work front, I can’t get much done without coffee. We have five different coffee joints in the area. All extremely unique and all make excellent coffee. So everyday we grab a different coffee and then I slide into my dungeon to work.
Marquez is doing inks on APF issue one. My part is done unless we end up needing changes on the latter issues — which I really don’t see happening.
“Sleepers” books one, two and three went to New York last night and on to Paul at Tokyopop today.
After a powwow with the management team, we’ve decided to scrap “Past Tense” and revisit “Riddle Me This”. I’d like that.
Friday I’ve a meeting with Vertigo to discuss a secret project I’m calling, “How to Make Love Like a Screenwriter”.
I finished “Possessed” and will hopefully be doing something on “Psychopath” following the polish on “Clock Tower” which I started today. Where I come from they call that a run-on sentence.
I assume I missed half a dozen moments of importance but I hear the shower running so I’m gonna go get nekked.

Normally Hollywood shuts down in December. I for one have grown accustomed to the tumbleweed blowing down Santa Monica Blvd. But this has been the busiest silly season of my stupid career. At least from a standpoint of feeling the pressure to write.

I did have the Widow to pull me through. What an amazing machine. It’s lightweight, lightning fast and stays supernaturally cool while writing or Warcrafting in bed.

Over December thru yesterday I spent many an evening sitting in bed with this little darling in my lap; writing either Alien Pig Farm 3000 or Clock Tower. As of yesterday I finished Pig Farm and I gotta say, what a blast to write. I really do love Southern comedy. Perhaps due to the fact that I’m a Southern moron. But in truth, the widescreen Widow can be a distraction. World of Warcraft looks un-freaking-believable. I can’t believe I’ve played this game as long as I have on a big square format. Oh well, live and learn.

I’ve been taking part in this odd little business for over ten years now and Clock Tower wins the golden ring for most challenging gig. The end result is unfolding into something quite wonderful, but the path taken to get to this point was pretty miserable. For the first time in ten years I honestly considered returning to the simple life of driving nails for a living. High highs and low lows. However the lows took me by surprise this time. Let’s keep the ol’ fingers crossed that the coming highs are proportionate.

Mel and I joined Allen as we ventured two blocks North to Don’s Christmas party. Now, I love a good Hollywood party as much as you do but there’s something refreshing about a good old fashion, “normal people party.”

Don’s a big collector of…well…everything. His house isn’t like a museum, it is a museum in my opinion.
I spoke with David Wohl earlier. Big Dave created Witchblade and Darkness, both of which are up for film versions. I figured he knew that but was passing the info along. I’m working with Dave and Brad on the Psychopath gig although we met back in the Demonik days. I hear Majesco has fallen on hard times so Demonik is on hold for a time. I would like to feel and show sympathy at a time like this. But I shant.

I have an idea and I’m assuming it’s an expensive one but I really don’t care. I want what I want. That old fart, Dean Riesner used to say, “I want everything I got coming to me.” Good man. Good rule to follow. I’m thinking when we build, I’d like to build a Starbucks on the back and/or side of the house. A private Starbucks as I think about it. You gotta have a Starbucks VIP pass and only I have the power to hand them out. Thus if you are a card carrying SB VIP then you can pop over, swipe your card and grab a Mocha anytime you want. By the way, she’s gonna need to be open 24 hours a day for those late night writing or Warcrafting marathons.
I’m also thinking the VIP Cards need to be fully satellite integrated. Thus if you tick me off, I can log in to Spacelab and revoke your pass with the click of a button. I would also request some special VIP Card enhancements in case you really piss me off, then I can toggle a switch and blow one of your limbs off in a nasty blast of fire. Oh, and the cards should also have the ability to listen in on your phone calls. That is all. For now.

Big fan of the ol’ Amazon. If you order early enough it sure is sweet. We did all the family shopping online again this year. I guess it takes the personal touch out of Christmas but how personal can you really be when the family lives on the opposite coast? Hey, don’t get me wrong. I ain’t complaining. You guys just stay where you are. I ain’t requesting a visit. I love you all dearly…from a distance.

Mel and I went out for PopTarts at 10 PM on Christmas Eve. Actually that’s not true. We went out much earlier looking for a nice sit down dinner. The pickin’s were slim but worth it. We ended up at the Whaling Station where they let you select and kill the cow before dinner. I let Mel kill the cow this time. You can choose from an assortment of weaponry. Mel chose a battle Ax with glowing runes which was used in the movie, Weekend at Bernie’s. Oh, and we had the fish that night.

Christmas morning rolled around and we, once again, spent way too much stinkin’ money. But Santa got me a 23inch widescreen. I think Mel got some diamonds and sapphires but who cares, right? She got rocks. I got widescreen DLP! Santa clearly loves me bestest.

After we buried the place under a pile of wrapping paper we popped over to Plumes in Monterey for some decadent coffee…

…and caroling. We didn’t order the caroling. Then it was back to the house where, oddly enough, I wrote into the wee hours. Writing is great, but like I’ve said before, sometimes it would be nice to just hit things with a hammer.

New Years Eve found us walking the streets of Monterey with the Peninsula residents. I’d spent the day writing and earned the night out. Of course, I’d earned the night out regardless. All work and no play makes Jack want to ax things.

I gotta think there aren’t a ton of places in the world where you can enjoy an evening of Rap within the walls of your local Wells Fargo.

And you can never go wrong by bringing in the New Year on coffee and free cartoons. Although we snuck away pre-midnight.

We drove out to the point where we sent the gold bands to sleep with the fishes. It’s a new year. A new life. And a new element on the periodic table.

Although I was officially commenced on Clock Tower a month ago, the real writing couldn’t take place until after another meeting with the boys and girl at Mayhem. But now that heavy lifting is out of the way, the magic may begin.
You know, they say that every cigarette you smoke is eleven seconds off of your life. Every eleven seconds spent in LA is three days off your life. Do the math.

Of course the lights are perty.
And I got a chance to visit with my buddy Patrick when we met Lou Arkoff at the Screen Gems to pitch a little jewel to Eric. I should probably hold off on the details but what I can say is this: it’s a period piece about two star crossed lovers in the gay porn industry who discover that Angela Jolie is a robot sent from a far galaxy to steal our women. Hilarity ensues.

We stayed in the Beverly Hills. Not for the snoot factor although I’m a big fan of snoot. And not for the five star conveniences of 24 hour room service and XBox 360 in the room. If you ask me, any hotel within farting distance of smog, drug dealers and/or traffic sounds should be punched in the skull for proclaiming itself five stars. No, we stayed there because it was centrally located to my assorted meetings.
My only regret?

I should’a jumped.

The moment we pulled back into town…hard to explain. It’s like finally getting the splinter out. Or finally setting the groceries in the kitchen after you clearly carried too many up from the car. Or that afternoon nap after a really good orgasm. Or the belch that follows a perfectly grilled steak. It’s like finding a twenty in an old pair of jeans. Or watching a football game in Hi-Def. It’s a burden lifted and a fresh breath of air.

We exist in a world where we can join Elliot and Allen for an afternoon walk.

We live in a place where you can play golf with deer and after 18 holes you can shoot the deer and dine on the tender beef without the sounds of multiple wafer thin wanna-be actresses regurgitating in the bathroom.
In Jesus name. Amen.

I did not intend to forget you, Sweet Sweet November. Mel bought me an Ubah watch with DirecTV and James Bond Laser. Dean turned 34 and 53 all in the same month. Mel cooked bird for Thanksgiving but I didn’t take a picture because I was so freaking hungry. I joined forces with Brooklyn Weaver and Jake Wagner to manage the world of Todd. I dove into Clock Tower’s first draft while Frankel dove into finishing the contracts. And the new Widow gaming notebook arrived. It’s faster than my Alienware and that’s saying something.

Our little hometown had it’s first fall of snow. Granted it fell out of a big ol’ machine but smoke’em if you got’em I say.

None of that liberal crap in my hometown. We love to spank our children and for those who’ve been really bad…we make them climb stuff.
Jake and Brooklyn have set a pitch next week for an adaptation of the game The Suffering. Excellent game, by the way. Tough nut to crack as far as story goes. But it promises to be a great adventure. I’ll be pitching MTV and Stan Winston.

Boink turned 24.

F.J. has been pushing me to finish Sleepers and I don’t blame him. It could be a ton of fun. And a ton of work. Three books with Tokyopop. That’s a lot of writing. Not a ton of money in the short run but it’s an investment.

I turned in book one on the little Tommy Jane/Stevie Niles project lovingly referred to as “Alien Pig Farm 3000” and have started outlining books 2 thru 5.

I have often wondered if there’s any legitimacy to this whole reincarnation thing. All I can say is that if it’s true, I just hope I don’t come back as a high school band.

I slid the first pass of Clock Tower to Mr. Luff. It wasn’t the official pass, therefore it’s not an official draft. It’s what they like to call a producer’s draft. Translation…free work. But it is what it is. Of all projects I’ve worked on, this one had the most development. We have gone down every path imaginable looking for just the right fit. With so many different ideas coming and going I actually didn’t mind giving a sneak peek this time.
We’ve chatted a few times and so far I’m not against the changes he’s suggesting.

Woodrow visited the Fair outside of Goldshire. I got shot out of a cannon. I was supposed to land on a target in Crystal Lake (that’s right all you Voorhees fans, there’s a lake in World of Warcraft by that very name). Of course, I missed the lake altogether and landed in a tree.

Santa, he’s so freaking cute.

Mel, Dean and I joined forces with Amer and Kindrid to take down the evil of Zul. We kilt everything.
Okay, that’s it for now. I’m gonna crawl back into The Suffering pitch and see what magic I can make.

I suppose the blame, were it to be placed, should go to Victor and Sean. Victor wrote a little thriller script and Sean pulled the loot together so that he could direct it. And now, 25 years later, to the sheer horror of Roger Ebert, people still think on it fondly. No one takes it too seriously…

…well other than Adam Marcus, no one takes it too seriously. It is what it is. Just a goofy night out at the movies and a historical entrance into shock and bloody exploitation. I gotta give credit where credit is due. Were it not for this little franchise, I might possibly still be driving nails.
A few years ago, shortly after Jason X wrapped, and long before it actually got a release date, a little fella by the name of Peter Bracke started writing about the history of this little Franchise. Peter came out to Hollywood to be a screenwriter and I’ve no doubt he will be, but this little project came first. We met at a little diner on Melrose and I proceeded to tell him how amazing the experience had been “on the record” and how miserable it had been “off the record”. Of course, this is how it is on every movie that has ever been made, as well as every movie that will ever be made. Such is life in Hollywood.
Now, several years later, with the coming release of Peter’s book, what started out as a very small book release party…got bigger. From Friday the 13th to Freddy vs. Jason you couldn’t throw a duck without hitting an alumni.
While a flock of fans were viewing the original film on the big screen the rest of us where signing books.

That’s only a fraction by the way. It didn’t take long to find alumni stretching their backs and rubbing their hands. During one of those back stretching moments I bumped into Victor himself.

The man who wrote the original. He drives a Harley and works in the Soap biz these days and was a hoot to chat with.

Then it was back to signing. Mel had ventured off with the Cunninghams to watch the movie on the big screen. And after a couple hours of signing I rushed off to the pottie where I ran into Jason Voorhees taking a leak. He was without hockey mask but I know the clothes and he was a big feller. He was there to cut the cake with his machete. New Line’s contribution to the event.
Ken, the actor who played Jason in FvsJ, wasn’t there. Neither was Kane who had made the role part of his very nature. Any of us horror geeks who’d followed the events of that little drama know that story well enough so I won’t elaborate for the rest of the world who simply would never care. However, I will say, had Kane played the part in FvsJ…he would have been at this little party. He would have been under the mask and he would have considered it a freaking pleasure to cut the cake. Oh well. Such is life in Hollywood.

Peter was nervous and slightly overwhelmed at the turnout. But he shouldn’t have been. It’s probably the best “History of a Franchise” book out there. Head to the following link to snatch up a copy while they last, and from what I’ve heard they are selling out all over the place. The Complete History of Friday the 13th by Peter Bracke.

I was joking with Mark Swift, who co-penned Freddy vs. Jason, that I’d only shown up because I like Peter and wanted to be here in case no one else showed up. Mark, also a fan of Peter’s, said he was blown away by both the turnout and the book and that Peter’s book was the sort of History you might expect from Copella’s Godfather…not Friday the 13th.

I spent most of my time signing elbow to elbow with Noel. We go back. We fought in the Cunningham Production trenches together so that sort of bond sticks around through thick and thin. It’s funny thinking back on the adventures. The Cunninghams and the Farmers. High highs and low lows. Working in the maid’s room from day to day I guess we became an odd little dysfunctional family. As a result we know each other’s dirty little secrets. Don’t go feeling all high and mighty, we all got dirty little secrets. But whether it’s the fear of mutual destruction or the simple charm of mutual respect, neither speaks of the skellies hidden in the closets.

The event ended just shy of the cake cutting for us because Mel and I decided to have our first argument in many moons. She later phoned Noel to help her get rid of the body. If anyone has any information on my current whereabouts, please contact Todd@Wendago.com.
After we got our bickering out of the way we ate food because food is life.
So it was back home and back to work. Last week the Mayhem Project announced their entrance into the game of Hollywood movie making. And through Variety announced my writing the film version of Clock Tower III, based on the video game. Of course, Variety spelled Farmer with two R’s, which is completely understandable as there are so many spellings associated with the word “farmer”.
I’ve been in the middle of and will continue the pitching process surrounding the adaptation of the book, “Grave’s End”. Next week is Fortress and Sachi at Lions Gate.

Of course, every night is a battle for dominance and control of the bed. I feel outnumbered and envious of the sheer amount of hair surrounding me.
“Alien Pig Farm” continues to move forward. Chee’s first 12 pages of art are complete and the search for the next artist is underway. Niles is making his pass through the outline then I’ll begin the official script. We have a first look deal with Lions Gate for the film version but we’re going to release the comic before heading down the film development road.
I finished the outline for book one of “Sleepers” as well as the rough outlines of books two and three. I shot those over to FJ at Branded a couple of weeks back. Tokyopop found an artist and I dug her art. She should make a perfect fit.
And as always there are a dozen other little project screaming for attention but those are the one’s I’ve been thinking about today.

This weekend, Mel and I ventured out with Allen in search of the butterflies. They’ve flown down from Alaska to make sex in our local forests. It’s a dirty business but life always finds a way. It was cold and getting dark so we didn’t see many but they were there, in the tree limbs above us.

Obviously we stopped at Starbucks first because any viewing of butterflies requires caffeine.

Then it was off to Don’s house for the Pumpkin carving. We three spent most of our time in the kitchen where Allen poured the hot apple cider and I topped it off with the Chopin vodka for the more adventurous party goers.

Although this entry may not reek of it, I have been stuck with my nose mashed against this computer screen for several months solid and it was nice to have a couple nights out between all the work.

We left the party before the winner of the Pumpkin Carving was announced but this was my and Mel’s favorite.
Then it was back home where we ended up hooking up with Dean for some Warcraft.

Now, we hadn’t been playing the Warcraft very much, if at all, over the last few months. Professor Lorey vanished into his 17 hour days on Arrested Development and Mel and I had vanished into our assorted writing projects. But all work and no play makes Jack chop doors with axes. So we’ve been trying to find the time, if for nothing else, as a stress reliever.
The above and next three screenshots were taken before we took our last break. I’d “deathed” my way into an instance which had not yet gone live. Zul’Something. It went live while we were AFG (Away From Game).

So these are some pics for the beauty of the environment only. There were no evil trolls present at the time I took them.

The truth is, since our return we’ve been playing our younger characters who aren’t nearly “ubah” enough to visit this place. But there’s plenty to do elsewhere so we’re not losing sleep over it.

And next year the expansion comes out so there will be whole new worlds and environments to explore and I can’t for the life of me figure out how we’re gonna find the time to see it all.

What little time we have had has been spent playing our Hunters. That’s Woodrow and his faithful kitty, Scar.

That’s us fishing cuz Scar likes the tuna.

For Halloween the whole world has been decorated accordingly. You can also trick or treat at any innkeeper. In some cases you’ll get a prize, in other cases you get turned into something. In this instance I was turned into a gnome pirate.

But I have been turned into a bat from time to time.

Or an Undead Pirate while cute little Melanie was turned into a demon.

Here, I became the stupid gnome again while Mel became the more lusty looking female ninja. Figures.

We’ve basically been adventuring around with Mel and I being Hunters and Dean playing his Paladin. Of course, you can never tell that because we spend all our time turning each other into other Halloween beings. That’s Mel and I as leper gnomes. Dean should have been pictured as well but he ran out of frame as I took the screenshot.
We’d traveled here to get our carrots. In that real world that sounds silly so let me clarify. “Magic” carrots.
See? Makes more sense now. With these carrots on your person your mighty steed runs a bit faster…so they are worth having.

Not to be outdone, the Horde have also decorated. This is outside the UnderCity, the home of the undead.
Most of our guild is now fighting as members of the Horde, but we’re hanging out on the Alliance side since our lack of time would only frustrated our more loyal playing friends.
So, that’s the statusquo. It’s back-to-work time.
Love and kisses, mean it.