Category: Journal

FEBRUARY
10 years! I moved to LA in ’96. I am so not an overnight success. But I have made it. I have persevered through junk that would have sent most fleeing. I’ve lived through the staff writer years and can remember a time when Screenwriters could fight for the story. I’ve lived through the threat of a strike that created Reality TV. I’ve been hired, fired and rehired to fix what my rewriters screwed up. I’ve been paid to write movies, TV, video games, animation and comic books. I’ve lived through a strike. I’m still here. Still fighting the good fight… which brings us to February of 2010.

But first…

Goosebumps. That is all.

Now. On with the show…

In early February we started getting NRG tracking numbers for Drive Angry which I stopped reading because I don’t speak the language. But I was told the “awareness” was lower than we would like. But then, I didn’t care too much because if you looked at the “awareness” numbers of movies in general and compared those to box office, there was NO PATTERN. High awareness did not mean big box office. And low did not mean failure.

I chatted with Dean who had recently pitched a movie to a junior Suit at one of the big studios. I knew junior Suit from way back when he worked for major Suit. I had developed a pitch for the an old comic for him. Anyway I shot him an email telling him Dean taught me how to write when I first moved out to LA and how much I loved Dean’s pitch. Turns out, junior Suit had also been slipped my and Patrick’s original horror outline. So Dean and I had a laugh as we were suddenly in competition.

I drove up to Frisco to see A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE. One, because my friend, Simon Barrett wrote it. Simon wrote Frankenfish. If you haven’t seen Frankenfish then I guess you just don’t love movies. Two, I went to watch AJ Bowen act. Brian Collins of HMAD had been badgering me about AJ for months. Then I recalled seeing AJ in The Signal, a fantastic Zombie movie that most have never heard of. I recalled AJ because he was amazing in it. So I drove up to the Roxie to check out the new flick. And AJ was outstanding. His character was haunting. Other serial killers play like cartoons compared to his performance. Amy Seimetz’s performance also stood out. It’s not the feel good movie of twenty eleven but AJ and Amy are outstanding in it.

Patrick, Brian Pearson, Max Penner and myself agreed to do a 3D forum at the NAB conference in Vegas in April.

A February highlight was Patrick and me going in and doing the Drive Angry commentary. But NOT because of the commentary, although I’ll come back to that. We had returned to the Cimarron Group. Patrick had nearly no voice from doing interview after interview. He made Harvey Fierstein sound smooth. We had fun with the commentary and gave big shout outs where shout outs were due.

But THEN came the highlight. We were escorted back to Aaron Druckenbrod’s office to watch some of the footage he and his partner Graham Fisher had cut together as part of the DVD/Blu extras package. Holy wow. I don’t even want to give it away because I’m such a spoiler freak. I had goosebumps watching. One, because they’d clearly given us their A game. Two, there was stuff in the Extras I’d never seen done before. And three. there was the revisit with the crew. I was reminded how much fun we had making this movie. I’ve never buddied with cast and crew like I did on this one. We had way less money that you’ve been told but we made OUR movie. The movie WE wanted to make. Love it or hate it, it was ours. No regrets. None. And wow, what a DVD this will be. I came home with a compilation. One of the Extras docs as well as a running Picture in Picture commentary by Patrick, crew and I.

I’ve been saying for years that Patrick and I are putting together our team to make movies like Eastwood has done. I’ve referred to the team as our Beatles. As far as I’m concerned, Druckenbrod and Fisher have an open invite to join the band. My thanks and a big shout to they and everyone at team Cimarron. Thank you so much.

By February 8th Patrick and I were nearly done with our Hellraiser outline (the first step) but we were yet to be paid commencement. So I sent an email to agents and lawyers.

Patrick and I also did a rewrite for Rafella DeLaurenttis which I have, at this point, failed to mention before now. On the 9th we got word that Rafella and her team read it and loved it. A meeting was scheduled.

On the 11th De Luca asks us to lunch later in the week. We had recently sent him our “original horror” outline so we assumed the meeting was to discuss.

Patrick and I were also finding “Unnamed Project” (a script we’d been sent to consider rewriting) to be a struggle. In order to fix it to our level of happy it was feeling more and more like a page one rewrite. I hate doing page one rewrites to someone else’s dream. If I’m gonna put in that much work I’d rather do it for my own dream. Unless there’s stupid money on the table and there is no longer stupid money on the table ever. So we decided we would walk away.

We heard that LGF loved our original horror outline and wanted the weekend to discuss it. But by the end of Monday though, we had not heard anything so we decided to pitch New Line the following day.

As we were walking into New Line we saw posters for HALL PASS. Our competition. During the meeting we all chuckled about it. The interesting thing during the pitch was that the New Line executives clearly didn’t get our original horror idea. We were left with the “Let us discuss it internally.” When you hear that it means “no” by the way. That’s fine, they don’t have to “get it” but I recall walking out sad. Not that it clearly wasn’t gonna happen there but this was the house that Freddy built. This was the house that made my first movie, Jason X. I was sad that of all places, I figured for sure New Line would “get it”.

It was frustrating. Because Lions Gate did “get it”. But due to internal complications, it seemed a good bet they would not be able to do it.

For lunch we met with De Luca. Having previously sent him our original horror we asked if he’d like to be our producer. He said he would love to. He would go with us to pitch Mandate. He also asked us if we’d like to develop a TV show with him. We said we’d love to.

Tom, Tim and myself met to do a commentary for Alien Pig Farm 3000, the comic we did a couple years back. This was for a digital version.

On the 20th Amber sent me the link to an interview she did with Ryan Turek at Shock Till You Drop.

Heard: [laughs] It’s funny, because he was great in the movie. He puts himself literally “out there,” which I loved. He’s my boyfriend in the movie and I get to kick his ass and I hope I did a good job with that. He’s such a good writer. I’m blown away by the characters he wrote. Because I am in this business and I read so many scripts, you would not believe how rare it is to read such a well-rounded – well, I don’t know if I’d call Piper that – such a real character. Piper’s a character with different layers. She’s a swearing, cowboy boot-wearing, chain-smoking, punch-throwing, Charger-driving motherf**ker, but she carries the heart of the film. I’m thankful I found Todd.

It’s tough not to love her alot.

The Thursday before release we met with junior Suit to discuss our original horror. He loved it. He wanted us to come back in and verbally pitch to his new major Suit, but seemed hesitant to actually book the date. We laughed about it later because it felt like he was waiting to see how Drive Angry did.

While I haven’t mentioned it, January and February were FULL of interviews and podcasts. I did them. Patrick did them. Some we did together, some we did solo. Fangoria, Arrow in the Head, Big Fan Boy, on and on. And we had a blast doing them.

Of course, this included the press junket. I wasn’t invited to the press junket. But our junior Suit meeting had left us running behind. I would not be able to get Patrick home in time to meet the car picking him up for the junket. So I offered to take him. I’d hang out in the lobby and write. But when we got there the staff running the junket never thought twice about not including me. So Patrick and I did the interviews together.

And of course we all crashed in Bill’s room. It was like an open door dorm party.

Radio Screening on the 22nd.

Red carpet and all that stuff. After, we had dinner with agents and Fichtner. Kim Coates, one of Bill’s closest friends, joined us.

The 24th was a cast and crew screening. Dean Lorey, Earl Brown and Ben David Grabinski were my dates. Jaime King was sick so she stayed home and Kyle nursed her back to health. Steve Niles no-showed me so I plan on beating him at the Dallas Comic Con in May. It was nice to see the cast and crew again.

I crashed that night on Ben David’s couch. We grabbed and early breakfast then I drove to Santa Barbara where I met Mel and Izzie. From there we got on a train to Anaheim. Rather than deal with the success or failure that would be Drive Angry, Mel and I decided to take Izzie to Disneyland.

Izzie was THRILLED! She loved the train.

Loved the bus to Disney. Loved the restaurant on the Disney Boardwalk, the balloon animals, even the Disney Californian Hotel. We were having a blast.

But by 10:30 that night I had an odd feeling in my belly. I still hadn’t heard anything about Drive Angry’s numbers. No calls from agents or lawyers. No texts. Nothing from Patrick.

So I called him.

I could tell from his voice it wasn’t good. It looked like we’d be under 10 million. How far under? He wasn’t sure. I did not sleep well.

I woke to Izzie crawling into bed with me announcing she was ready for Disney. Little manipulator kept telling me she loved me. Which softened the blow of the following email from Patrick. 1.6 million for Friday. 5 million for the weekend.

It was a tough weekend. Not just on Patrick and myself. I spoke with Bill, texted with Amber and emailed with Billy. In the end, it happens. Win some you lose some but on that weekend, finding the bright side was tough.

Thank God for Mel and Izzie. Mel was incredibly supportive and threw relentless distractions at me.

Izzie’s attitude was, “Screw it, let’s ride rollercoasters!”

I also got tons and tons and tons of emails, FB messages, board posts and tweets of support. Not just from friends, family and fans, but from executives as well. For the most part, those who saw the movie, loved it.

But 5 million at 3D ticket prices was stunning.

Recall, Jason X was considered a box office failure. It opened with 6.8 million at 2001 prices and went on to make 13 million on a 10 million budget. Drive Angry opened at 5 million on roughly a 30 million budget. It’s not that people didn’t go, it’s like they had to make an effort to avoid it. I laugh about it now. I wasn’t actually laughing about it then.

I spoke with Dean Lorey and remarkably, he told me exactly what would happen. Exactly how it would all go down. Because he’d been there. He’d been through it. And as a result, I actually calmed down. As a result, I decided to make the best of it. I tweeted it all day. I did not go into hiding. I posted pics of Izzie and we made the best of it. I was self-deprecating. I was funny. I was amazingly good-looking.

I don’t have a single regret.

Disney was great. Sadly, any stay at Disney that lasts longer than a day will cost ya. Izzie is now up to a full year at community college.

By Monday we were on a train back to Santa Barbara. From there we caravanned home.

The following week was interesting. We got to see who would stick with us, and who would walk away.

Junior Suit decided he did not want to be in business with us.

But Dimension stuck with us. Morgan Creek stuck with us. Valhalla came to us to join forces. Thomas Jane gave support and encouragement. And the list of executives who came out in support was a shocking.

While yes, we lost some gigs. We also gained some fans and future partners. Some embraced us and said “I been there!” Others looked at us as falible, approachable. Recall, we’d made turned a 16 million dollar obscure horror remake into a 100 million cash cow. But now we were flawed just like everyone else. And oddly enough, Dean told me this was how it would go down. And he was right.

The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. — Arthur C. Clarke

Never, never, never, never give up. — Winston Churchill

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit. — Aristotle

It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up. — Babe Ruth

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. — Albert Einstein

Never give up! Never surrender! By Grabthar’s hammer! — Galaxy Quest

And THAT was February 2011. It’s April 26 at 4:53 am as I write this. Two big pitches tomorrow. Big. So it’ll be Thursday before I post March 2011. Then I’ll post April 2011 at the close of… April 2011. No. Way. I’ll be caught up. My nipples are getting all pointy just at the thought of it.

JANUARY
Happy Birthday wendago.com. I have kept an online journal for 10 years. I got a little behind a couple years ago so over the last week I’ve been playing catch up. A trip to LA on Friday and chocolate eggs over the weekend slowed me down but now and without further ado, Janurary of 2010.

Okay perhaps a bit more ado…

The trailer shows you TONS of stuff but tells you NOTHING. In fact no one can be told what the Matrix is, they can only be SHOWN. I went to see the MATRIX for the same reason so many watched LOST. I wanted to know the mystery. That and the digital FX were mind-blowing. If the Matrix were to be released today though, I bet the trailer would tell you what the Matrix is. Or it would be revealed online.

Recently I saw a blogger tweet about how annoyed he was that he went to see a movie but had already seen everything in trailers and online. An hour later he tweeted: EXCLUSIVE pics from the set of…

On the 3rd of January I got an email from Nathan Amondson who was our Production Designer on Drive Angry and has become one of, what I like to refer to as, team Beatles. Some backstory. Nathan created a character called the “Ugly Crow” that he wanted to animate and tells stories about. I had told Nathan that Mel and I had a story called “Izzie and Icky” which we wanted to do as a book with illustrations. This conversation took place during Drive Angry’s production.

Then nearly a year later, out of the blue, Nathan sent a piece of artwork to say Happy New Year. Shortly after we decided to join forces.

Patrick was sent a script to consider directing. We read it. Meetings were set to discuss what changes they’d like to make and what we would do were the project given to us.

As the Drive Angry release drew nearer and nearer we got more and more BUZZ spam from Summit. If the movie was mentioned on the net or TV or radio or by a couple guys standing outside the Starbucks on Ventura, then a mass email was sent out. Most of the time it was as simple as “Drive Angry in theaters in February.”

January of 2011 would be the month and year of Mel’s first tattoo. Izzie Rain in the color of the spectrum beneath a heart. She said it didn’t hurt. Mine hurt.

Toward the end of January I asked Mel to figure out how to get Riesner’s old caddy to Pacific Grove. Easier said than done.

Patrick and I had developed a movie outline based on a James Patterson novel. We did this ages ago. After Valentine. Before Drive Angry. We were even told there was money to write the thing. So we created a three picture storyline. Massive 40 page outlines. Development meetings and rewrites. Then we were informed that there were some rights issues so it all went away.

Toward the end of 2010 the producer came back to us and said the rights had been dealt with and wanted to know if we were interested in pursuing. Of course at that time Patrick was Leslie Nielson at the end the Creepshow known as Drive Angry (that means he was up to his neck in it). So we were perhaps slow to reply. This prompted said producer to send another email detailing how they had gone to a considerable amount of trouble to deal with the rights issue and that it would be disappointing had we lost interest and enthusiasm. I responded with my southern charm…

I’m not sure “guilting” us is the right approach as we too went to a great deal of expense and time to work on multiple 40 page treatments to create a trilogy only to be told the rights were never clear to begin with. If I’ve misinterpreted then my deepest apologies but we never lost interest nor enthusiasm.

Producer backpedaled so we suggested we reconnect after Drive Angry was in the can. January perhaps.

So January brought the return of said producer. Great. Let’s do this then. But it turned out there really wasn’t money to write at that time. Producer was hoping we’d be willing to spec it.

Here’s the thing. I love specs. But I will never spec someone else’s dream. I’ll spec Drive Angry. I’ll spec my ideas. Or Patrick’s ideas. But I’m not going to take the risk of writing for free when the results benefit others far more than me. We informed the producers of this although in a slightly less grumpy fashion. And the project went away.

I’m still amazed that it is okay to say, “We have money” in order to get writers to work for free only to later and without punishment say, “Right, we don’t have money.”

Izzie changed schools in January. She had been going to private pre-school but Mel had noticed little oddities. For instance, at a Thanksgiving event where all the kids in Izzie’s class got up and sang, Izzie stood off stage and held the teacher’s hand. Izzie sang by herself. When Mel asked why, the teacher explained that they were worried that Izzie might disrupt the performance.

Wow. She’s autistic. She’s not a bomb.

Mel stayed cool headed but we were both annoyed.

Then at the end of the year the private school told us that in order for Izzie to stay they wanted us to provide an outside aid for an hour every day to just work with Izzie. By the way, they were obligated to provide the aid if they saw fit due to the fact that even though they were a private school, they received State funding based on Izzie being Autistic. While they gladly took the funding they were not willing to provide the aid. They also wanted us to pick her up 45 minutes early. They wanted to cut one hour, forty five minutes from their obligation but, of course, still expected us to pay full tuition. Not that it would have mattered. Turns out they’re idea of teaching Izzie was to apparently keep her away from the other children. She wasn’t challenged. She wasn’t learning. In fact, she was getting worse. She was growing more and more frustrated.

We said no thanks.

So in January Izzie started a new school. Which concerned us because it meant a 20 minute bus ride. However, I’m not sure a child could have been more excited about riding a bus. She LOVED it. And LOVED the school. Teachers, classmates… everything was better. And not only that, WE started seeing a huge difference in her. Almost overnight. Her frustration vanished. Suddenly you could carry on a conversation with her. She’d wake up and talk about her dreams. Eh… I know you don’t care but was a big deal to us.

Let’s put it this way, the less I’m worried about her the better I can concentrate on severed heads and blowing stuff up. And currently I’m not worried about her. :)

In Australian related news, toward the end of January Kerri joined forces with two other producers to acquire one of my scripts with plans to cast and crew it in Australia.

On the 26th we saw the Drive Angry motion poster. It was an amazing little creation which featured Fichtner so I adored it.

WORK
Patrick and I were working on a spec outline. An original horror idea. Risky yes but if the original Drive Angry did well then we’d have a good shot at doing another original. In the meantime we were busy mapping out Hellraiser. We had recently done a rewrite which was making the rounds. We were brainstorming a remake although our guts had us leaning toward modern day sequel. As well as outside the partnership we both had previous obligations to fulfill. I had Devil’s Commandos with Tom and Tim. As well as a spec with Niles. Then there was the children’s book mentioned above with Mel and Nathan. It was looking like 2011 would be busy.

And that was January 2011. Tomorrow let’s rip the bandaid off and deal with my love/hate relationship with February. Then Wednesday I’m in LA so will likely go dark. March and April when I return and my journey to catch up will be complete. Yay me. And thank you for your support.

DECEMBERHappy Birthday wendago.com. I have kept an online journal for 10 years. THAT is 70 dog years, people! I say “journal” cuz when I got started “blog” and “blogger” were relatively unknown. So to show respect I am playing catch up. Last week I did September, October and a couple days ago November. I learned the months of the year when I was young and have enjoyed being able to call upon that knowledge. Thus… December of 2010!

But first…

Then there’s the trailer misdirect. AMAZING. I’m watching and I’m thinking, “Oh I like her.” “Oh, I like him too.” “Well this looks like a sweet… WHA? What the… Oh mygod nooo! RUNNN!”

But if we really want Trailers to stop revealing what’s wrapped under the tree, then bloggers would need to help. It’s tough to entice the audience with a trailer when there’s so much info online. And with so many bloggers scrambling for hits, with the studios feeding them EXCLUSIVES, by the time every blogger has his or her own exclusive, there’s not much left in the surprise department. Granted everybody’s gotta eat and hits put food on the table but it comes at a price.

So, let’s chat December.

There would be no opening credits at the front of Drive Angry. Patrick decided to put the credits crawl at the end. So when you watch DA you can just go in and start watching.

In early December Mel learned that our insurance would end at the start of the year. Just one more example of getting screwed at the drive-thru. We had qualified in both 09 and 10 so we called the guild. Turned out neither those behind H3D nor those behind Drive Angry had paid into our health fund. So the process of making this right began with a deadline looming. Because even though we did everything right, if we didn’t get it resolved by the deadline, our insurance would end, regardless. Ugh.

The biggest event in December was Tom Jane and I burying the hatchet once and for all. While the date slips my mind, he and I, along with Tim Bradstreet, met at an exclusive members only club on a rooftop off Sunset. I also met Rod Stewart and Jeff Beck. Whoa. Anyway, we are all now full steam ahead again.

On the 4th I see an email thread which reminds me that Michael De Luca is a force of nature.

Also on the 4th Don, Damon and Dean came to Pebble Beach to play golf. I met them the night before tee-off down at Cannery Row. We dined at the Whaling Station then hit a couple bars. Don told stories of writing Sanford and Son, Damon spent way more money than I’m worth and Dean was normal adorable self.

On the 7th Variety named Patrick one of the 10 directors to watch in 2011.

Patrick and myself, Amber, Bill and Billy all crashed the Cimarron Group to work on Extras for the DVD/Blu-Ray. Sitting here thinking back… I really did have fun with this crew.

On the 10th Patrick delivered Drive Angry. We were done. From March of 2009 to December 2010. That’s a long journey. Normally I’m done the moment I hand in the draft, but when your writing partner is the director or more likely, when your writing partner is Patrick, you get escorted throughout the whole process. We wrote it. We sent it to agents. We polished Jonah King over a day. We went to producers. Met with a dozen. Chose our favorite. Agent called, said you should meet with De Luca. So we did. 5 minutes later we knew he was our guy. De Luca sent it to Nic who attached within the day. Deals were made. November 09 scout. January 2010 prep. March 2010 cameras rolled. From there it was Patrick’s every single waking hour. Daily challenges overcome. No matter what was throw our way. Improvise. Adapt. Overcome. We’d done all we could do. It was done. Time to set her free and see if she flies back to us.

That same day we met with David Robinson at Morgan Creek to discuss the future.

On the 12th we found ourselves in Texas for Harry’s BUTT-NUMB-A-THON. It’s 24 hours of non-stop movies. First time we went was with MBV. We screened MBV at 1am during the 24 hour show and it was a big success. I wasn’t there but Lions Gates’ marketing team was there along with Patrick, Jaime and several cast members.

Drive Angry screened at 8am, 19 hours into the show. Right after HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN and right before TRON. Those that weren’t asleep cheered and clapped at all the right places. Those that slept got some good rest before watching TRON.

On the 15th Patrick and I began work on an original horror concept. Original concepts are risky but then, Drive Angry had been original. If it did well then we had to think we’d get a shot at another. I obviously don’t mind remakes and sequels. But I also want originals. It’s the variety I like. I don’t just watch horror either. I watch comedy, drama, action, scifi. Variety. As long as Drive Angry did okay, we’d be fine.

Something remarkable had happened with Izzie. Something was different. She had changed. Her teachers noticed. Her therapists noticed. Everyone kept asking, what had we done differently? What had changed since Thanksgiving? It was like a light switched on. First she started glowing. She was happy. And second… smarter isn’t the right term. It’s like she became more aware. Her vocabulary shot through the roof. Her understanding. Her sense of humor. One of the daycare ladies at the gym, who also has an autistic child, kept going on and on about Izzie. How Izzie gave her hope for her son. That unless you knew Izzie was autistic you wouldn’t “know”. So. We had that going for us.

Then Hollywood shut down for the holidays and I spent time in PG with the girls.

25th. It was a good Christmas. I got some good toys.

On the 28th Bryn Mammond from GOREMATE magazine sent me perhaps one of the most comprehensive, detailed and researched interviews of my career. Later a photo shoot would accompany the article which would consist of me and some scantily clad Gore model(s). I suggested Christa Campbell as she was not only a former Goremate cover girl but also my acting partner in DA. I sent in my replies and never heard from Bryn again.

2010 was over. It had been a good year. Ups and downs. Highs and lows. But we shot a movie. A Nic Cage movie. I went to Australia. Twice. Tom Jane and I got back to work. I stood at ground zero. We got the Hellraiser job. Izzie learned how to use the Force. Good friends. Good food. And lots of running. It was a very good year.

NOVEMBER
Happy Birthday wendago.com. I have kept an online journal for 10 years. I say “journal” cuz when I got started “blog” and “blogger” were relatively unknown. So to show respect I am playing catch up, which brings us to November of 2010.

But first…

A trailer should entice the audience. Make them WANT to see the movie without giving away the twists and turns. Right? Am I alone in this? This one is eat up with all kinds of brilliant. The trailer is the movie’s setup. You get zero hint at what the answer might be because that’s WHY you go.

The month of November started brilliantly with a week at Skywalker Ranch for the final mix of Drive Angry. Nothing short of awesome. Tron was there. And Rango. And a Star Wars Disney ride. By the way, I’m not there because I am of any importance. I go to support the sound crew. I don’t go on production’s dollar. I stay offsite in a hotel of my purchase.

But this means I get to use the hotel gym. I stayed at a Marriott in the area. Great hotel. Good price, clean and with a bed that’s simply dreamy. But the gym is the width of three treadmills stacked side by side with a few feet behind them where a dumbbell wrack was stuffed. Oddly enough, not a downside at all. When you work out six days a week anything different is a bonus.

When you go to Skywalker you have two choices for on grounds lunch. One choice is to go to the main house. Big white mansion. If you’ve seen FANBOYS then you’ve seen the main house because that’s the house they break into. If you have not seen FANBOYS then duh, go buy the bluray. The house is George’s business office. And you know what? He’s always there. I’ve never been to lunch at the main house when he wasn’t sitting there, chatting or dinning with someone. I know that may sound lame but it’s Holy Grail to a fanboy.

We got some posters and signed one to the team.

Have I mentioned the poster yet? Not sure I have and too lazy to scroll back. So here’s the thing about the poster. I thought they nailed it. For one it doesn’t say “He BUSTED out of HELL”. What it says is “All Hell Breaks Loose.” And that I don’t mind. It’s a tease. I also love how Nic and Amber look. And I love love love the sparks. I simply dug how it advertised the movie. I did not get that same vibe from the trailers.

And in other poster news, it was nice to be included on the one-sheet as an actor. Granted that’s not my day job but I’ve been acting as long as I’ve been writing. All the way back to playing Harsh Raider in the grade school production of A Star Wars Christmas (which I’m certain was a copyright infringement – a point I didn’t think to mention to George while on the ranch).

And while this next point likely only exists in my head, my name on the poster feels like validation. My last two roles are… well they certainly have moments of embarrassment. It is not uncommon to feel the tinniest bit of humiliation at being naked for the whole world to see if they choose. If you toss in some simulated zugzug on top of that… well, you can see how it could all be a bit nerve-wracking. And then anyone who has seen either movie can tell you I’m not exactly the model type. I don’t have the six pack or the good hair. I’m old school everyman. More Willis than Hartnett. More Ford than LeBeouf. Actually. I’m okay with that. And then there’s the actual character for Frank. He’s not only a tool but he’s also a tool. In MBV he’s a misdirect. In DA he’s Piper’s reason to go on her journey. He’s more than just the butt although the butt tends to outshine all else. Being on the poster, to me, validates the story fulfilling part of Frank.

While I never asked I’m certain my name being there is all Patrick’s doing. Actually, his and Producer, Rene Besson as well.

On the 5th I had to cut it short. Hugs and kisses goodbye then I shot down to the San Francisco Airport and caught a flight to LA. Next would follow a flight to Australia. I could spend hours talking about the two weeks in Aus. But no time. So I’ll sum up.

I went to Aus with producer, Kerri Grisham. Getting there was a challenge. We were flying standby due to the fact that it cost a semester of college tuition to fly to Australia. This would not have been an issue had an engine not fallen off a Quantus jet while in the air. This led to Quantus grounding all their flights which resulted in every Virgin flight suddenly being slammed. So we did not leave on the 5th as planned. We crashed at a Hotel near the airport. And from what we were hearing, it would be days before we got a flight via standby.

I likely would have just called off the trip but we were actually expected to attend the Gold Coast Film Festival. We had given our word. I know that means little in today’s world. But still meant something to us. So we booked regular flights. Sorry Izzie. It’ll have to be community college that first semester. But that’s okay. I’ll get you the Bluray box set of Community to prepare you.

We did make some Aussie friends on the way over. David Bouwmeester who was sporting Chewbacca hair. And Sara Petrie who was not. After well over a 24 hour journey I would without hesitation consider them both mates.

We finally arrived and if memory served we had some issues getting our handicap Holden due to our late arrival. But we managed and before long we were crashed at Kath and JA’s where I was drinking Smirnoff black label due to the 6.5 alcohol content rather than the sissified 4 point whatevers we have here in the States.

Kerri and I spent the first part of the trip at the Gold Coast Film Festival and had a blast. Australia is the size of the States with the population of Orange County. And the people are as real as it gets. I adore them. We did a bunch of press. Interviews for magazines and radio. We even did a Q&A: “Bringing Hollywood to Australia”.

We caught several screenings and a couple premiers. For the most part Aussie film is similar to Independent Film in the States. Both in budget and “art”. The stories tend to be darker with a moral question asked and not always answered. As a result they rarely make it to the States. And while they may have critical success, you need the States for any real financial success. Thus was our pitch. What if we could bring some commercial stories to the Land Down Under? Cast and crew them with Aussies but tell stories that we hoped would appeal to a global market.

The rest of the trip was spent meeting and discussing the reality of shooting a slate of movies with Aussie crews and cast.

First we spent huge amounts of time at Village Roadshow. Until recently they were merged with Warners so there’s not only a lot there but also a park with themed rollercoasters and rides. Sadly, after all my visits I’ve yet to visit the park. Next time. For sure.

I ran into Marc Varisco down under. Marc was our FX supervisor on MBV. He’s Aussie and amazingly talented. Seeing him made me wish he was on Drive Angry.

I saw Brisbane and Sidney. I met the who’s who of Australian film making.

By the end of our two week stay with Kath and JA, we were bickering like siblings again. Well, not JA, as he’s the only one of the four of us who does not have a menstruation cycle.

I spent my birthday in Australia and to celebrate my birth and my growingly grumpy mood, I was thrown into a tank with sharks.

The biggest thing that came out of Australia was learning how the system worked, both financially and politically. I would explain that. But number one, it’s likely boring to most. And two, it took some blood, sweat, tears and more than a few confidants to learn it all. We walked away with both the pros and the cons. As a result we can now navigate the minefield and make movies there without getting blown up.

Meanwhile Drive Angry rolled along without me.

Drive Angry was rated R for “strong brutal violence throughout, grisly images, some graphic sexual content, nudity and pervasive language.”

The process of Main Titles and Ending Credits was still ongoing. We were spammed daily with new versions. And like those moments with the Poster it was oddly fulfilling to see my name as an actor at the opening of the movie. I was honored to share a card with Jack McGee.

On the 22nd we got a scoreboard showing where we were on FX. With delivery thundering toward us, everyone was felling the pressure. There were daily emails discussing the visual FX of the Godkiller, the Roadblock, the Ending and hundreds of smaller issues. Truth be told, we were all stressed. We, of course, wanted the movie to look its very best! And for me it wasn’t until long after delivery did I consider that our rough FX might actually add to the grindhouse feel of the thing. Sort of wish I’d thought of that sooner.

Finally I was on a long flight back to LA.

That last week was spent with the girls and trying to decompress from two weeks down under.

And that was November. In 48 hours we bring you Christmas month!

But first… news from Kentucky.

Doc’s cracked open my kid brother’s noggin this morning and found two Matchbox cars and a vintage Stormtrooper figure which apparently is up to 43 dollars on eBay in less than three hours. No buyout. They also found something not so easily removed and sold on the eBay. Going in they speculated we were looking at either a 3 or 4. I don’t pretend to understand exactly what that means and when I spoke with Rikki briefly after surgery he was tired and I gathered not up for an interview. But from what I’d gathered previously a 3 is bad… but workable. A 4 means… get the will in order. As it turns out… they think it’s a 2. Again, I don’t have all the details and the Doctors stated it would be days before they knew for certain but they were very optimistic.

Thank you for all the comments, emails and well wishes. It meant alot to the little fella. And to me too.

We interrupt 10 years of wendago to discuss Rikki Bjorn Farmer. That’s right, Bjorn. Like the dude from ABBA. Or the Borg. The tennis player. Not the pseudo-race of cybernetic organisms depicted in Star Trek.

So this morning, Rikki texts me a picture. Asks if I know how to post to Facebook. I get a little lightheaded from the possible responses to said question. He says, “Kendra and I thought it would be funny to see what kind of comments would be posted. Got to have fun with it.” Which made me smile.

We at Team Farmer have never been very good at hiding our misery. Or living under a woe is me rock. This is it. Life. You make the best of it. The good and the bad.

I ask if he wants me to just post the pic or would he like me to comment in that special and possibly offensive way that the Farmers are known for. He says he wants to let people know we are in good spirits.

And by the way, we were texting all of this. Because as everyone knows it is far better to text in an hour what you could say in 5 minute over the phone. I text back to him, “Okay, I’m on it. But first… tell me what I’m looking at.”

He replies, “Those are button caps for the machine that attaches to my head for the bone saw and needle.”

To this I reply, AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG!”

Alright. I guess this has been more than enough build up. I may as well just say it and get it out there. At the ripe old age of 32, my little brother has…genital herpes.

No no no. He does not have an STD. He has… well, he could have an STD. I mean, he’s never mentioned one way or the other. But while we at Team Farmer pretty much share everything online, an STD we would likely not go wide with. Probably just announce that on Twitter. See if it goes viral. Where was I? O yeah.

Rikki has cancer.

Sadly this isn’t the first time he’s been under the bone saw. In 2002 at the blistering age of 23, he had a tumor the size of a golf ball removed. In ’07 they went back in to tidy up a bit. And now it’s back. Roughly a ping pong ball which is a little smaller than a Titleist.

Tomorrow is Biopsy or as we at Team Farmer like to call it, “Bone Saw Day”. Or as Rikki puts it, “Yup. 5:30am. Can’t wait.”

Then we’ll be in a holding pattern. Waiting to find out what sort of fight lies ahead. I’m hoping the crack the lid, take a peek and determine that it’s just irritable bowel syndrom. Which would NOT surprise me. I never told him this but when we lived in West Oaks and he slept on the top bunk, the kid was constantly breaking sleep farts.

So, let’s see. Cancer, the Borg, STDs and farts. I think that covers everything.

Of course, if you are on speaking terms with your God then I’m sure Rikki and Kendra wouldn’t mind the mention. As for me, I’ll welcome Voodoo, magic, sorcery, Amway, anything that might help. :)